Creators: since it takes a million dollars to make an episode, we made some budget cuts to save money. here are your new contracts.

*everyone signs*

2 weeks later

*The cast is (are?) lining up to take a shower*

Sokka: I can't believe we only have one shower facility

Toph: Yeah, we've been tricked

Lawyer: you should have read the contract

Sokka: *bangs on the door* WHO THE **** IS IN THERE?!?!?!?!?!

Toph: It's probably Zuko, *trying to get??"zuko" to hear??her*??HE ALWAYS USES ALL THE HOT WATER!!!!!

Zuko walks up Hello

Sokka: wait, then who's in there?

shower stops Aang and Katara walk out

Aang: you ain't gettin' no hot water

*from now on, I'm going to try to ftake funny excerpts from SNL's weekend update and format them to Avatar*

Announcer: It's Weekend Update! With Katara and Sokka

Katara: Hi! I'm Katara

Sokka: I'm Sokka, and here are tonight's top stories

Katara: After a reporter said that President Bush had no idea what was happening outside the White House, Mr. President said that he did know what was going on. He then stepped outside of the White House and said, "What the he*l is goin on out here?"

Sokka: Last night at a concert in Tokyo, Ashlee Simpson collapsed on stage. The show went on as scheduled that night

Katara: A new report says that 10% of Americans like talking on their cell phones while crashing

Sokka: Studies show that 83% of chicken sold in grocery stores this year contained salmonella. On the other hand, 17% of salmon sold this year contained chickenella.

Katara: A disturbing study found that 43 Jewish babies were infected with HIV after Jewish doctors sucked the blood of the babies after they got their circumcision. The doctors then said, "If you'll excuse us, we're going to throw up forever."

Sokka: The U.S. Army is now using the main component of "Silly String" to block incoming missiles. They're also going to rid the enemy of snipers with some "Hungry Hungry Hippos"

Katara: Today, nearly 6 oz. of cocaine was found in Wal-mart today. The cocaine was promptly returned to the cocaine section of the Wal-mart.

Sokka: For Weekend Update, I'm Sokka

Katara: And I'm Katara. Good Night, and have a pleasant tommorow.

*from now on, I'm going to try to ftake funny excerpts from SNL's weekend update and format them to Avatar*

Announcer: It's Weekend Update! With Katara and Sokka

Katara: Hi! I'm Katara

Sokka: I'm Sokka, and here are tonight's top stories

Katara: After a reporter said that President Bush had no idea what was happening outside the White House, Mr. President said that he did know what was going on. He then stepped outside of the White House and said, "What the he*l is goin on out here?"

Sokka: Last night at a concert in Tokyo, Ashlee Simpson collapsed on stage. The show went on as scheduled that night

Katara: A new report says that 10% of Americans like talking on their cell phones while crashing

Sokka: Studies show that 83% of chicken sold in grocery stores this year contained salmonella. On the other hand, 17% of salmon sold this year contained chickenella.

Katara: A disturbing study found that 43 Jewish babies were infected with HIV after Jewish doctors sucked the blood of the babies after they got their circumcision. The doctors then said, "If you'll excuse us, we're going to throw up forever."

Sokka: The U.S. Army is now using the main component of "Silly String" to block incoming missiles. They're also going to rid the enemy of snipers with some "Hungry Hungry Hippos"

Katara: Today, nearly 6 oz. of cocaine was found in Wal-mart today. The cocaine was promptly returned to the cocaine section of the Wal-mart.

Sokka: For Weekend Update, I'm Sokka

Katara: And I'm Katara. Good Night, and have a pleasant tommorow.

*from now on, I'm going to try to ftake funny excerpts from SNL's weekend update and format them to Avatar*

Announcer: It's Weekend Update! With Katara and Sokka

Katara: Hi! I'm Katara

Sokka: I'm Sokka, and here are tonight's top stories

Katara: After a reporter said that President Bush had no idea what was happening outside the White House, Mr. President said that he did know what was going on. He then stepped outside of the White House and said, "What the he*l is goin on out here?"

Sokka: Last night at a concert in Tokyo, Ashlee Simpson collapsed on stage. The show went on as scheduled that night

Katara: A new report says that 10% of Americans like talking on their cell phones while crashing

Sokka: Studies show that 83% of chicken sold in grocery stores this year contained salmonella. On the other hand, 17% of salmon sold this year contained chickenella.

Katara: A disturbing study found that 43 Jewish babies were infected with HIV after Jewish doctors sucked the blood of the babies after they got their circumcision. The doctors then said, "If you'll excuse us, we're going to throw up forever."

Sokka: The U.S. Army is now using the main component of "Silly String" to block incoming missiles. They're also going to rid the enemy of snipers with some "Hungry Hungry Hippos"

Katara: Today, nearly 6 oz. of cocaine was found in Wal-mart today. The cocaine was promptly returned to the cocaine section of the Wal-mart.

Sokka: For Weekend Update, I'm Sokka

Katara: And I'm Katara. Good Night, and have a pleasant tommorow.

Another one, then I'll go on break until January -- Sorry it's so long!

Announcer: It's Weekend Update! With Katara and Sokka!

Sokka: Hi. I'm Sokka

Katara: I'm Katara, and here are tonight's top stories.

Sokka: Bush promised to take the new Iraq Study Group Report just as seriously as he took the other reports stuffed between his desk and the wall.

Katara: In a Today show interview, Al Gore said the war in Iraq was the worst strategic decision in the history of the United States. Disagreeing with that statement? Slaves.

Sokka: According to the Iraq Study Group Report, the cost of the war could reach up to $1 trillion dollars after the baffling decision to cover Iraq in hardwood flooring.

Katara: As you many of you have heard, Toph, former vice president of the United States, was encountered by Lindsay Lohan the other day. Here to comment on this encounter is Toph.

Toph: Hello Katara!

Katara: Hey Toph. So can you explain what really happened?

Toph: Well, many people think the encounter between us showed much stupidity from??Miss Lohan, but really, I think she is a really intelligent woman

Sokka: That's fair. Could you tell us exactly what she said?

Toph: Why yes! I believe she said Hello to Mr. Dick Cheney, which is an understandable mistake. Then she congratulated me for my movie on global warming, or what she thought was Happy Feet. She then said I was hot, and barfed on me.

Katara: Eww... Thank you, Toph! Toph everyone!

(applause)

Sokka: In other news, an American Airlines flight was forced to land after a passenger lit a match in order to stop the smell of her flatulence. Here to comment is that passenger, Zuko.

Katara: So what happened Zuko?

Zuko: Well, I've been having stomach problems lately, and I didn't want the people around me to suffer

Sokka: Well don't you think that the passengers would have rather had their flight go on uninterrupted instead of stopped?

Zuko: No, I don't think so. Oh no, here it comes. I suggest you leave.

Sokka: Oh my god! *runs*

Zuko*lights a match*

Katara: *smell reaches her* Oh my god!! Holy s*it! AHH!!

*both return*

Katara: An Indian study found that condoms designed to meet international size standards are too big for Indian men, which explains why they're always so grumpy when??I call for tech support.

Sokka:??Colin Powell said that it's time to "face reality and recognize that Iraq is in a state of civil war." Powell made the statement after growing what are called "retirement balls." The White House disagrees, though they do feel that Iraq has entered a new phase, and it rhymes with "muster bluck."

Katara: It was reported that Britney Spears has been partying too much with Paris Hilton and has stopped work on her new album. And oh yeah... she has a one-month old at home.

Sokka: A new spray-on condom is expected to sell much better than last year's iron-on condom.

Katara: For Weekend Update, I'm Katara

Sokka: And I'm Sokka

Katara: Good night, and have a pleasant tommorrow.