*SpongeBob and Darth Vader are in a lightsaber duel.*

Vader: Give in to the dark side because I am evil again!

SpongeBob: Oh no! You killed Luke's father!

Vader: Luke never told you the truth about his father.

SpongeBob: He told me that Obi Wan told him that you killed Anakin!

Vader: Well, not exactly. For you see, I am YOUR father.

SpongeBob: What? No! That's impossible!

Vader: You're correct. I'm not your father, I'm *unmasks* Patrick!

SpongeBob: Patrick? Why are you Vader, dark lord of the Sith?

Patrick: I needed some replacement hands and these were free.

SpongeBob: You'll have to give them back when we finish filming.

Patrick: With the money I make I'll be able to afford new hands!

Krabs: Don't kill me!
Dennis: Kill you? I just wanted directions to Country Kitchen Buffet.
Krabs: Oh... you're Dennis from The Lost Episode.
Dennis: Of course I am. Me and SpongeBob went to school together.
- - -
Director: And... cut!
Tim Conway: SpongeBob, the only reason I got you this part is that your contract says I get 95% of your paycheck.
SpongeBob: Just like at the Krusty Krab.
Tim Conway: But it's not working out. You can't act, man.
SpongeBob: But... but...
Tim Conway: Forget it. I'm off to Burger King.
SpongeBob: Burger what?
Tim Conway: When the Krusty Krab closed down, tons of fast food restaurants popped up overnight. Besides, free refills!
SpongeBob: *gasp* Mr. Krabs says refills are evil!
Patrick: *to Director* Can I have his part? I'm gonna need to keep the fake hands though.
*SpongeBob does the sad walk.*
Director: Uh, phone call for Mr. SquarePants!
SpongeBob: SpongeBob SquarePants?
Director: Uh, yeah.
SpongeBob: It better be good news.
*SpongeBob takes the call.*
Cop: *on phone* We've captured Mr. Krabs. I hear you're his lawyer. He keeps on saying he's Harold Flower.
SpongeBob: Where have I heard that name before?

Sandy: SpongeBob told us all to meet him here at the police station.
Patrick: Who are you again? I wanna say Patricia...
SpongeBob: You guys! Mr. Krabs has grown a mustache and is denying his identity.
*In another room.*
Cop: Once your lawyer gets back, we're settling this, Krabs!
Harold Flower: I'm Harold Flower!
Cop: Prove it.
Harold Flower: I have a mustache!

Meanwhile...
Pearl: Why'd you take me to Rock Bottom?
Hair: It's not working out. I'm dumping you!
Pearl: Why?
Hair: Sandy's back and she's, well... smarter than you.
Pearl: WHAT?
*The hair drives away.*
Pearl: *cries* I may as well eat until I'm as big as a whale again!
Fish: Excuse *raspberry* me, *raspberry* miss. *raspberry* There's *raspberry* a *raspberry* funeral *raspberry* going *raspberry* on *raspberry* here. *raspberry*
- - -
*Back at the police station.*
SpongeBob: Still no results from Mr. Krabs.
Plankton: OKAY, NOBODY MOVE! I HEARD THEY HAVE KRABS!
SpongeBob: He won't admit it.
Plankton: WELL, GUESS WHAT? DENNIS FOUND HAROLD FLOWER IN ROCK BOTTOM!
Patrick: Really? Who's -
Dennis: As far as I can tell, Krabs escaped to Rock Bottom where he hired escaped criminal Harold Flower to go to Bikini Bottom and pose as a doctor to get the formula back but he was caught when he returned to Rock Bottom. Krabs mustn't have found out and came back to Bikini Bottom looking for him. However, Krabs was caught and Flower was killed in prison.
Narrator: For those who haven't realised: Krabs escaped to Rock Bottom but was mistaken for Harold Flower and arrested. He bribed the guards and faked his death. He returned to Bikini Bottom and got the secret formula from Plankton, using Harold Flower as an alias. His current location is unknown. Harold Flower in fact escaped to Bikini Bottom but was mistaken for Krabs and arrested.
- - -
Harold Flower: Didn't you hear him? He just said I'm not Eugene Krabs!
Cop: I don't care.

SpongeBob: HUH?
Krabs: SpongeBob, you gotta hide me! The cops are after me!
SpongeBob: I'd help but I've gotta go to my divorce trial and then defend you in court.
Krabs: You sayin' they're catching me, boy?
SpongeBob: They caught you earlier, remember?
Krabs: I don't know where to begin.
SpongeBob: Are you at least over all this "Harold Flower" stuff?
Krabs: You knew that was me (referring to at the hospital)?
SpongeBob: Yep (referring to just before)! Bye!
*At the court.*
Bailiff: The case of SquarePants vs. Puff-SquarePants is called to order. All rise for honorable Judge Con Servative.
Judge: I call this court to order. Do you, SpongeBob, take Mrs. Puff to no longer be your lawfully wedded wife?
SpongeBob: I don't!
Judge: Mrs. Puff, same basic question.
Mrs. Puff: I do.
Judge: Well, we're not going anyware. Wait a minute, what was your name?
SpongeBob: SpongeBob... SquarePants, sir...
Judge: I rule in favor of Mrs. Puff!
SpongeBob: What?
Mrs. Puff: Looks like every Con Servative hates you, ex-husband.
SpongeBob: I don't get it.
Judge: Next case. Eugene Krabs vs. the State of Whatever State This Is.
Harold Flower: I'm not Krabs!
SpongeBob: I am not ready for this case.
Judge: Miss Cheeks, call your first witness.
SpongeBob: Cheeks? Sandy?
Sandy: That's District Attorney Sandy Cheeks to you, Mr. SpongeBob LawyerPants. I failed at being a scientist, karate didn't cut it and a country star... well, I can't think of a bad pun.
SpongeBob: Uh... Sandy?
Sandy: I call to the stand, Mr. Krabs.
*pause*
Sandy: *coughs*
Harold Flower: Who, me? But I'm not Mr. Krabs.
Judge: You're not under oath yet but you're clearly Krabs.
*Flower takes the stand.*
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the --
Harold Flower: YES!
Bailiff: You don't have to yell at me about it.
Sandy: Are you Eugene H. Krabs?
Harold Flower: No.
Sandy: Is this your ID?
Harold Flower: Clearly! Note the mustache.
Sandy: But it says "Eugene Krabs".
Harold Flower: Why, oh, why did he grow a mustache for his license photo?
Sandy: No further questions.
Judge: Mr. SquarePants, do you want to cross-examine the witness?
SpongeBob: Okay. Mr. Krabs, if that is your real name...
Harold Flower: It isn't.
SpongeBob: I -
Judge: Guilty!
SpongeBob: This Con Servative never learns...
Judge: And enough with the bad puns. Eugene Krabs, I sentence you to the death penalty!
Harold Flower: NO!!! I'm gonna spend the next 24 hours of my life as some cheapskate Mr. Krabs! *pause* And I'm gonna die!
SpongeBob: I was not ready for this case.
Sandy: I gotta get out of here, I have a date with Squidward's hair.
Judge: What? He told me he was washing himself tonight.

Hair: I love...

*lots of anticipation followed by a commercial break*

Hair: ...Squirtle!
Sandy: What?
Judge: What?
Squirtle: WHAT? I mean, Squirtle, Squirt. Yes, they'll have to believe that.
Hair: And Squirtle loves me!
Squirtle: Do not!
Hair: Search your feelings. You know it to be true.
*They run off never to be seen again.*

Flats: I'm back from kicking people's butts.
Krabs: *screams*
Flats: Are you Eugene Krabs or Harold Flower?
Krabs: Harold Flower? Sure, I guess.
Flats: Good, 'cause I'd have to turn you in if you were Krabs but since you're not, I'M GONNA KICK YOUR BUTT!

Patrick: Bye, Mr. Krabs. Have fun in the electric chair.
Harold: Harold Flower.
Patrick: Good one. I just remembered that I don't have feet so someone's gotta carry me out of here. Hello?
*a net drops on Patrick*
Patrick: Is it carnival time again 'cause I don't have a can opener?
Plankton: You're not escaping this time, pinky!
Patrick: But... who are you?
Plankton: I am Plankton!
Patrick: Oh.
*Plankton puts a sack over Patrick and gets Dennis to drag him away.*
Patrick: Thanks for the lift. Hey, this is fun.
Dennis: No talking in there.
Patrick: Are you a mermaid?
Plankton: And as for you, Krabs.
Harold: Harold Flower.
Plankton: Whatever. I have the secret formula but conveniently haven't looked at it yet. And you're going to die soon. SpongeBob's busy with his divorce, the pink one's with me, Sandy's been dumped and as for Gary -- he's in character limbo at the moment.
Harold: How about the octopus?
Plankton: He's busy getting a new hairpiece. *evil laugh*

Narrator: Will Harold Flower be executed? Will Flats kick Mr. Krabs' butt? Will Patrick get his hands and feet back? Will Gary make an appearance? Will Squidward get a new hairpiece? Will Sandy get over being dumped? What will SpongeBob do now that his storylines have been resolved? Find out some of the answers next time... if we feel like it.

*Dennis, who was dragging Patrick along, stops when he sees Squidward.*
Dennis: You call that a hairpiece? This is a hairpiece!
*Dennis takes off his hat and grows hair.*
Patrick: Is it your turn to ride in the magic sack of wonderment?
*Someone fires a net at Patrick.*
Patrick: Riding in sacks, how better can this day get?
*Someone wearing black armor, a red cape and a green helmet picks up the net.*
Patrick: A pirate! This day CAN get better!
???: Quiet!
Patrick: Can you say "Arrgh?"
*The person throws Patrick into the back of a boat.*
Patrick: I call shotgun.
*They drive away.*
Dennis: And that's a hairpiece? Hey, where'd pinky go?
Plankton: OH, GREAT! YOU LOST HIM! GOOD THING I PREPARED A DOOMSDAY DEVICE!
Squidward: Doomsday device?
Plankton: In case Patrick got away.
SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward! Hey, Dennis! Hey, Plankton! Did you see that weird guy who kidnapped Patrick? What's Plankton got there?
Plankton: A doomsday device I prepared to blow up Bikini Bottom if Patrick got away.
SpongeBob: Why?
Plankton: If I told you, I'd have to kill you.
SpongeBob: But weren't you gonna kill me anyway?
Plankton: Never mind. Just find him in the next 11 minutes or this whole town goes KABLOOEY!
SpongeBob: Kablooey?
Plankton: IT EXPLODES, YOU SPONGEHEADED SPONGEHEAD!
Sandy: Hey, y'all, what's goin' on?
Plankton: FOR THE LOVE OF -- Easy, Sheldon, remember your therapy. I'm a happy little ducky... or a bunny. Something like that.

Larry: So I decided to make a disguise that's even cooler than I am (which isn't that hard to do), set up Mr. Krabs, hypnotize Mrs. Puff into marrying you, bringing Squidward's hairpiece to life, bribing Judge Conrad Servative (It doesn't take much to sway a Con Servative), tricking Sandy into thinking she could sing and sending Squirtle to do his thang with Karen to stall you all so I could take Patrick and cause Plankton to destroy SpongeBob, Gary...

Gary: About time I was mentioned. I mean, meow.

Larry: ...Squidward, Sandy, Old Man Jenkins, That Guy Who Says "My Leg!"

Fred: I have a name!

Larry: Yeah, whatever, and all you other bottom-feeders so I'd be the most popular.

SpongeBob: I can see where you're coming from on this.

Larry: Taking Patrick worked right into it seeing as how he's the most popular character.

SpongeBob: Hey!

Patrick: *in sack* I rock!

Larry: Quiet, you!

Patrick: Yes, sir.

SpongeBob: If you set up Mr. Krabs then that means you burned down the Krusty Krab 2!

Larry: No! I gave him the idea to pretend to be Harold Flower so he'd be arrested in Rock Bottom. What I didn't count on was him buying his way out. So now Harold Flower's on death row and Krabs is out there somewhere. But he shall be destroyed too.

SpongeBob: Uh, Larry, why'd you give all your plans away?

Larry: (pause) Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Plankton: Hand over Patrick or else I'll blow up this town with you in it. You'll be a cooked lobster yet again!

Larry: Not while I'm wearing my armor! (gasp) My helmet!

Plankton: Right here!

(Plankton puts a Chum Bucket bucket helmet on Larry.)

Larry: All hail Plankton.

Plankton: Too bad his voice sounds so much like mine but who cares? Now give me the starfish!

Mr. Krabs: Okay, I admit it! This was all my idea!

SpongeBob: WHAT?

Squidward: Huh?

Patrick: I got it! Mr. Krabs tricked Larry into doing all of this so he could get the Krabby Patty secret formula back from Plankton!

Plankton: I knew I forgot something.

SpongeBob: Then why did Mr. Krabs let Plankton get the formula in the first place?

Squidward: And why did he have to get rid of my hairpiece?

Larry: And why are you all ignoring me?

Gary: I hear ya. Uh, me- oh, who cares?

Mr. Krabs: You see, we had someone on the inside. MR. S!

(Squidward looks at SpongeBob and Patrick.)

Squidward: Which one?

SpongeBob: You really think we would be involved in a scheme like this?

Patrick: I did it.

Squidward: You?

Plankton: HIM?

Patrick: He said he'd give me new hands and feet.

Plankton: There goes your inside man.

(Plankton runs into the Chum Bucket.)

Plankton: And now, the Krabby Patty secret formula.

(He turns on his backup computer. It starts up.)

Plankton: Any moment now.

(Back to SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, Squidward, Mr. S, Larry and Gary.)

SpongeBob: Shouldn't we stop him?

Mr. Krabs: Why? He doesn't really have the formula.

Patrick: Mr. S is on the case!

(Patrick goes after Plankton.)

Squidward: Is the S for stupid? Ha. Stupid.

(At the Chum Bucket...)

Plankton: It's finally ready. Now to find what I'm looking for. Maybe it's in this file called Krabby Patty Secret Formula.

(Plankton opens it and on the screen appears...)

Karen: It's about time!

Plankton: Karen?

Karen: That's right. I'm MR. S!

Plankton: Huh?

Karen: MR. S... MRS... Mrs. Plankton. But of course, you forgot that when you left me!

Plankton: That was after you--

Karen: No excuses!

(Karen electrocutes Plankton somehow.)

Patrick: And that's why you don't leave your wife!

Plankton: But it doesn't make any sense. And why did you say you're Mr. S?

Patrick: Because I am Mr. S!

Karen: No, I am.

Patrick: No, me.

Karen: Me!

Patrick: Me! (picks up one of Plankton's inventions and throws it the computer)

Plankton: KAREN!

(Karen reappears on the cracked screen.)

Karen: Psych!

Patrick: And that's why you don't question the plot holes of the story!