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  • Avatar of Eman5805

    Eman5805

    [21]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 11/05/04
    • level: 14
    • rank: Autobot
    • posts: 5,943
    confucioussayhi wrote:
    xlA_V_A_T_A_Rlx wrote:
    confucioussayhi wrote:

    Chapter-1-Dark Aftermath

    Disclaimer-I do not own Avatar in any way shape or form but I own the ring.

    Life has a funny way of screwing over it's saviors. Just when it looks like the heroes will come out on top, the ground falls from under their feet and they decsend into hell. For the Avatar Aang, this is how it happened. The failed attempt to take the Fire Nation capital cost them all. Aang was now a spectacle for all patrons to see. Appa was in the cirus, Momo was a??Higher-up's exotic??pet. History doesn't yet show the lives of Katara, Sokka, and Toph. Katara and Sokka were rumored to have escaped at the last minute. Toph's whereabouts were unknown.

    8 Years after the war-

    "Damn." the girl thought "He's tougher than Skan said he was. Ahh!" She dodged a particularly nasty looking, blood-stained flail. She jumped on the man's back slashing his hand with the puny dagger that she was allowed. The brute dropped his weapon, and picked her up. She was being held by the throat, when she bit the man's hand. For the second time he howled and dropped his victim. His eyes caught sight of his flail and he went for it.

    As he was awaiting the verdict, the crowd cheered the girl's death. "What kind of people do this?" She asked herself mentally. The man with a flaming crown of gold in the center throne turned his thumb down. The giant smiled, his flail would taste blood today. "NO!" The girl cried out. "I will not die here!" The giant recoiled in suprise. The girl knew she wasn't supposed to show her power yet but she didn't care. Maximum was better than this. She put her hand to the ground forcefully, then retracted it with a gripping motion. The brute didn't have time to react to the razor sharp earth spires that went through his chest.

    I know it is very short but its easier for me that way. If it sounds too violent please tell me and I will tone it down.

    How bout' them Apple's?

    A little too violent, yet good. 7
    Read my thread post there are 9 chapters, you'll see violence.

    "Oh yes, there will be blood."

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  • Avatar of ScoField27

    ScoField27

    [22]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 12/01/06
    • level: 2
    • rank: Sweat Hog
    • posts: 120

    Okay seriously.

    Chapter 1: The young man stood attention as his commanding officer passed by. The Major was short, and plump. He had plenty of hair, just none on his head, and smelled of tobacco.

    The young man stood still. Maybe this time the officer would past by without any insults or un-just punishments. His hopes were in vain. The gumdrop shaped officer stopped right infront of the young-man. "You Solider-" The Major said, a voice that sounded better suited for a dying-cat. "There appears to be dust on your uniform. 90 push-ups!"

    The Young man clinched his fist in anger. He knew he could easily defeat the talking gumdrop. Anger. The man could fell water boiling inside him.

    "Did you hear me, solider? 90 PUSH-UPS!" The young-man promptly fell to his knees and began the wrok-out. Now was not the time. If he rebelled now he would miss out on months of needed training. The other fire-nation cadets laughed out-loud. Making noise in the line-up was against the rules, but as always the others went un-punished as the major watched in joy at the young man's pain.

    'In Time' the young man thought. 'TIME!' In three months he will have learned all the proper techniques for blade battle, and combined with his un-matched bending-abbitys he would have his revenge, on this Fire-Camp, and most important, the water-tribe.

    "Or, Izon my boy." Called the major. "When your done here, you have tending duties."

    The man called Izon froze in his push-up position. Tending duty, a punishment reserved for major law-breaking. He had done nothing. He was just another solider in fire-nation army, training to become a assassin... The only thing that made him different was that he- was a water-bender of the northern-tribe.

    'In time.' He kept thinking. 'Revenge on Fire and Water. There is only one who can stop me. And if the Avatar becomes a problem- he too will die.'

    Edited on 12/20/2006 6:42pm
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  • Avatar of KilalaRose

    KilalaRose

    [23]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 03/26/06
    • level: 13
    • rank: Regal Beagle
    • posts: 1,612
    confucioussayhi wrote:

    Chapter-1-Dark Aftermath

    Disclaimer-I do not own Avatar in any way shape or form but I own the ring.

    Life has a funny way of screwing over it's saviors. Just when it looks like the heroes will come out on top, the ground falls from under their feet and they decsend into hell. For the Avatar Aang, this is how it happened. The failed attempt to take the Fire Nation capital cost them all. Aang was now a spectacle for all patrons to see. Appa was in the cirus, Momo was a??Higher-up's exotic??pet. History doesn't yet show the lives of Katara, Sokka, and Toph. Katara and Sokka were rumored to have escaped at the last minute. Toph's whereabouts were unknown.

    8 Years after the war-

    "Damn." the girl thought "He's tougher than Skan said he was. Ahh!" She dodged a particularly nasty looking, blood-stained flail. She jumped on the man's back slashing his hand with the puny dagger that she was allowed. The brute dropped his weapon, and picked her up. She was being held by the throat, when she bit the man's hand. For the second time he howled and dropped his victim. His eyes caught sight of his flail and he went for it.

    As he was awaiting the verdict, the crowd cheered the girl's death. "What kind of people do this?" She asked herself mentally. The man with a flaming crown of gold in the center throne turned his thumb down. The giant smiled, his flail would taste blood today. "NO!" The girl cried out. "I will not die here!" The giant recoiled in suprise. The girl knew she wasn't supposed to show her power yet but she didn't care. Maximum was better than this. She put her hand to the ground forcefully, then retracted it with a gripping motion. The brute didn't have time to react to the razor sharp earth spires that went through his chest.

    I know it is very short but its easier for me that way. If it sounds too violent please tell me and I will tone it down.

    How bout' them Apple's?

    very good! 10/10

    So far your score is:
    10/10
    10/10
    7/10
    10/10

    Not bad
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  • Avatar of KilalaRose

    KilalaRose

    [24]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 03/26/06
    • level: 13
    • rank: Regal Beagle
    • posts: 1,612
    ScoField27 wrote:

    Okay seriously.

    Chapter 1: The young man stood attention as his commanding officer passed by. The Major was short, and plump. He had plenty of hair, just none on his head, and smelled of tobacco.

    The young man stood still. Maybe this time the officer would past by without any insults or un-just punishments. His hopes were in vain. The gumdrop shaped officer stopped right infront of the young-man. "You Solider-" The Major said, a voice that sounded better suited for a dying-cat. "There appears to be dust on your uniform. 90 push-ups!"

    The Young man clinched his fist in anger. He knew he could easily defeat the talking gumdrop. Anger. The man could fell water boiling inside him.

    "Did you hear me, solider? 90 PUSH-UPS!" The young-man promptly fell to his knees and began the wrok-out. Now was not the time. If he rebelled now he would miss out on months of needed training. The other fire-nation cadets laughed out-loud. Making noise in the line-up was against the rules, but as always the others went un-punished as the major watched in joy at the young man's pain.

    'In Time' the young man thought. 'TIME!' In three months he will have learned all the proper techniques for blade battle, and combined with his un-matched bending-abbitys he would have his revenge, on this Fire-Camp, and most important, the water-tribe.

    "Or, Izon my boy." Called the major. "When your done here, you have tending duties."

    The man called Izon froze in his push-up position. Tending duty, a punishment reserved for major law-breaking. He had done nothing. He was just another solider in fire-nation army, training to become a assassin... The only thing that made him different was that he- was a water-bender of the northern-tribe.

    'In time.' He kept thinking. 'Revenge on Fire and Water. There is only one who can stop me. And if the Avatar becomes a problem- he too will die.'

    interesting...8/10
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  • Avatar of kingdom707

    kingdom707

    [25]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 07/21/06
    • level: 13
    • rank: Regal Beagle
    • posts: 7,554
    ScoField27 wrote:

    Okay seriously.

    Chapter 1: The young man stood attention as his commanding officer passed by. The Major was short, and plump. He had plenty of hair, just none on his head, and smelled of tobacco.

    The young man stood still. Maybe this time the officer would past by without any insults or un-just punishments. His hopes were in vain. The gumdrop shaped officer stopped right infront of the young-man. "You Solider-" The Major said, a voice that sounded better suited for a dying-cat. "There appears to be dust on your uniform. 90 push-ups!"

    The Young man clinched his fist in anger. He knew he could easily defeat the talking gumdrop. Anger. The man could fell water boiling inside him.

    "Did you hear me, solider? 90 PUSH-UPS!" The young-man promptly fell to his knees and began the wrok-out. Now was not the time. If he rebelled now he would miss out on months of needed training. The other fire-nation cadets laughed out-loud. Making noise in the line-up was against the rules, but as always the others went un-punished as the major watched in joy at the young man's pain.

    'In Time' the young man thought. 'TIME!' In three months he will have learned all the proper techniques for blade battle, and combined with his un-matched bending-abbitys he would have his revenge, on this Fire-Camp, and most important, the water-tribe.

    "Or, Izon my boy." Called the major. "When your done here, you have tending duties."

    The man called Izon froze in his push-up position. Tending duty, a punishment reserved for major law-breaking. He had done nothing. He was just another solider in fire-nation army, training to become a assassin... The only thing that made him different was that he- was a water-bender of the northern-tribe.

    'In time.' He kept thinking. 'Revenge on Fire and Water. There is only one who can stop me. And if the Avatar becomes a problem- he too will die.'

    really good story.?? 8/10

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  • Avatar of ScoField27

    ScoField27

    [26]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 12/01/06
    • level: 2
    • rank: Sweat Hog
    • posts: 120
    kingdom707 wrote:
    ScoField27 wrote:

    Okay seriously.

    Chapter 1: The young man stood attention as his commanding officer passed by. The Major was short, and plump. He had plenty of hair, just none on his head, and smelled of tobacco.

    The young man stood still. Maybe this time the officer would past by without any insults or un-just punishments. His hopes were in vain. The gumdrop shaped officer stopped right infront of the young-man. "You Solider-" The Major said, a voice that sounded better suited for a dying-cat. "There appears to be dust on your uniform. 90 push-ups!"

    The Young man clinched his fist in anger. He knew he could easily defeat the talking gumdrop. Anger. The man could fell water boiling inside him.

    "Did you hear me, solider? 90 PUSH-UPS!" The young-man promptly fell to his knees and began the wrok-out. Now was not the time. If he rebelled now he would miss out on months of needed training. The other fire-nation cadets laughed out-loud. Making noise in the line-up was against the rules, but as always the others went un-punished as the major watched in joy at the young man's pain.

    'In Time' the young man thought. 'TIME!' In three months he will have learned all the proper techniques for blade battle, and combined with his un-matched bending-abbitys he would have his revenge, on this Fire-Camp, and most important, the water-tribe.

    "Or, Izon my boy." Called the major. "When your done here, you have tending duties."

    The man called Izon froze in his push-up position. Tending duty, a punishment reserved for major law-breaking. He had done nothing. He was just another solider in fire-nation army, training to become a assassin... The only thing that made him different was that he- was a water-bender of the northern-tribe.

    'In time.' He kept thinking. 'Revenge on Fire and Water. There is only one who can stop me. And if the Avatar becomes a problem- he too will die.'

    really good story.?? 8/10



    Thank you. But I think my 1st was better!
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  • Avatar of Chief34

    Chief34

    [27]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 10/01/06
    • level: 17
    • rank: The Crazy Neighbor
    • posts: 1,053
    ScoField27 wrote:

    Okay seriously.

    Chapter 1: The young man stood attention as his commanding officer passed by. The Major was short, and plump. He had plenty of hair, just none on his head, and smelled of tobacco.

    The young man stood still. Maybe this time the officer would past by without any insults or un-just punishments. His hopes were in vain. The gumdrop shaped officer stopped right infront of the young-man. "You Solider-" The Major said, a voice that sounded better suited for a dying-cat. "There appears to be dust on your uniform. 90 push-ups!"

    The Young man clinched his fist in anger. He knew he could easily defeat the talking gumdrop. Anger. The man could fell water boiling inside him.

    "Did you hear me, solider? 90 PUSH-UPS!" The young-man promptly fell to his knees and began the wrok-out. Now was not the time. If he rebelled now he would miss out on months of needed training. The other fire-nation cadets laughed out-loud. Making noise in the line-up was against the rules, but as always the others went un-punished as the major watched in joy at the young man's pain.

    'In Time' the young man thought. 'TIME!' In three months he will have learned all the proper techniques for blade battle, and combined with his un-matched bending-abbitys he would have his revenge, on this Fire-Camp, and most important, the water-tribe.

    "Or, Izon my boy." Called the major. "When your done here, you have tending duties."

    The man called Izon froze in his push-up position. Tending duty, a punishment reserved for major law-breaking. He had done nothing. He was just another solider in fire-nation army, training to become a assassin... The only thing that made him different was that he- was a water-bender of the northern-tribe.

    'In time.' He kept thinking. 'Revenge on Fire and Water. There is only one who can stop me. And if the Avatar becomes a problem- he too will die.'

    9/10

    confucioussayhi wrote:

    Chapter-1-Dark Aftermath

    Disclaimer-I do not own Avatar in any way shape or form but I own the ring.

    Life has a funny way of screwing over it's saviors. Just when it looks like the heroes will come out on top, the ground falls from under their feet and they decsend into hell. For the Avatar Aang, this is how it happened. The failed attempt to take the Fire Nation capital cost them all. Aang was now a spectacle for all patrons to see. Appa was in the cirus, Momo was a??Higher-up's exotic??pet. History doesn't yet show the lives of Katara, Sokka, and Toph. Katara and Sokka were rumored to have escaped at the last minute. Toph's whereabouts were unknown.

    8 Years after the war-

    "Damn." the girl thought "He's tougher than Skan said he was. Ahh!" She dodged a particularly nasty looking, blood-stained flail. She jumped on the man's back slashing his hand with the puny dagger that she was allowed. The brute dropped his weapon, and picked her up. She was being held by the throat, when she bit the man's hand. For the second time he howled and dropped his victim. His eyes caught sight of his flail and he went for it.

    As he was awaiting the verdict, the crowd cheered the girl's death. "What kind of people do this?" She asked herself mentally. The man with a flaming crown of gold in the center throne turned his thumb down. The giant smiled, his flail would taste blood today. "NO!" The girl cried out. "I will not die here!" The giant recoiled in suprise. The girl knew she wasn't supposed to show her power yet but she didn't care. Maximum was better than this. She put her hand to the ground forcefully, then retracted it with a gripping motion. The brute didn't have time to react to the razor sharp earth spires that went through his chest.

    I know it is very short but its easier for me that way. If it sounds too violent please tell me and I will tone it down.

    How bout' them Apple's?

    Also a 9/10

    Edited on 12/20/2006 6:58pm
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  • Avatar of thirteenparrots

    thirteenparrots

    [28]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 11/11/06
    • level: 17
    • rank: The Crazy Neighbor
    • posts: 450

    I'll give it a try. Please, be gentle.

    Time frame for current events is set between the end of 'Appa's Lost Days' and the end of 'The Earth King'.

    Disclaimer: I have nothing to do with Avatar, and/or own any part of Avatar. I am just having some fun writing a story set in that world.

    ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Title: The Walking Dead Man.

    Preface

    ???????? Breathing hard as he slowly moved to add another log to the fire, the former farmer looked over at the young lady lying on the ground wrapped in what was left of his cloak. She was in a very deep sleep, one that he wondered if she would ever wake from, though for the moment he could see her chest gently rise and fall. The former farmer, now a tracker of sorts, pulled the cloak firmer around the girl, then sat back down on the other side of the fire. Glancing out of the small stone structure he was using as a shelter for himself and the girl, he noticed the rain had slowed to a drizzle but, as black as those clouds moving in from the west looked he??doubted it would be long before the heavens opened up wide again. A cold wind came whipping through the structure making the tracker shiver, and with that wind came an all too familiar smell.

    ???????? ???By the spirits??? just when I have final forgotten that awful stench! Who knew burnt human flesh would smell so sickeningly sweet!??? The worn out man said aloud, though no one except the sleeping girl was around to hear him. His stomach felt like a naval battle was taking place in it. He wasn???t sure what would come out, if his stomach did decide to heave it???s contents, considering he hadn???t eaten in more than ten days. As the tracker tore off a piece of cloth from what little remained of his pants and wrapped around his nose and mouth, he thought to himself, ???Hiroshu, why are you hesitating? You have the means to save yourself and continue hunting those responsible for the loss of your daughter.???

    ???????? Staring hard at the young lass as she quietly laid near the fire, wrapped in his worn out cloak, Hiroshu's thoughts continued to taunt him. ???All you need to do is touch her, it would be over quickly, and besides she???ll probably be dead before morning anyway. If you wait until then she???ll be no good for you and you will perish with her.??? As he started to reach for her, the tracker noticed for the first time how old she looked. The girl was close to the age his daughter would be if she were still around. That realization hit him as hard as if he had been hit in the chest by an earth bender???s boulder, and he jerked back so hard he nearly hit his head on the wall of the stone structure and kicked the fire. Quickly patting down his feet the former farmer curled up and started to cry. As the tears freely flowed, Hiroshu thought aloud, ???By the kind spirits??? what have I become? That I would even contemplate killing an innocent child to save this wretch of a man.???

    ???????? At that very moment, the stone structure shook violently as a lightning bolt struck a tree only a few feet from the shelter. Hiroshu???s ears started to bleed from the??very loud echoing the thunder clap had caused inside the shaky shelter. The tracker nearly blacked out, and probably would have, if he hadn't??fallen forward and started to choke on the hot ambers floating up from the fire. After several minutes of choking and disorientation, the tracker in Hiroshu settled down the former farmer, and at which point he finally notice the wide eyed confused stare of the young lady looking at him. She had sat up and turned the cloak so it covered her front side, the side that was facing him, otherwise she just kept looking back and forth between Hiroshu and the now very heavy downpour outside the stone structure.

    ???????? Hiroshu spoke in as a gentle, unthreatening, monotone voice as he could, ???My name is Hiroshu, I was a farmer, a husband, a father, and a good man once. Now,???now,?????? sighing, ???now, I am just a tracker, a would be killer, and one very broken man.???

    ???????? At these words the girl scooted backwards to put her back against the wall, picked up a chunk of rock holding it in a defensive manner, and continued to watch the former farmer across the fire. Through very parched lips the young lass croaked in a rough voice, ???My??? na...me???is Su???ki,??? clearing her throat by spiting out a bit of blood she continued, ???Where are??? the rest of ???the Kyo???shi???warriors????

    ???????? ???First, let me rest assure you at this point I am no threat to you. Second, I know nothing of any other people in the area, you are the only person I have come across in the last couple of days. Lastly, however most importantly, both of us are in such bad shape it is unlikely either of us is going to see too many more days without some help.??? Hiroshu said in a matter of fact manner as was possible. Suki stayed in her defensive position but motioned for Hiroshu to continue.

    ???????? The broken man, in the most sad, defeated, and hopeless voice Suki had ever heard, stated, ???Suki is it? I have a story to tell, about how not to live one???s life, at the end of it, I am going to save your life and maybe through that act I can redeem my spirit.??? Hiroshu leaned forward more over the fire so the young lass could get a better look at him. Where she could for the first time see the charred loose hanging flesh barely clinging to the left arm and ribs. ???By the spirits???I just can???t get that awful stench out of my nose! Who knew one???s own burnt flesh would smell so sickeningly sweet!??? Suki recoiled from the sight and stench of Hiroshu, and as a look of horror crossed her face, the former farmer and now tracker of sorts, began his tale.

    -----------------

    The parrots are taking notes.

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  • Avatar of Nalesnik

    Nalesnik

    [29]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 11/25/06
    • level: 7
    • rank: Talk Show Host
    • posts: 917
    Is there some kind of deadline for this thing? Cause I would like to do one, but I don't have the time right now.
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  • Avatar of Eman5805

    Eman5805

    [30]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 11/05/04
    • level: 14
    • rank: Autobot
    • posts: 5,943

    Here's what I've been working on for a lil while, and I just decided to break it into mini-chapters:

    Chapter One

    This jail cell stinks worse than a pit of rhino crap, Darlo thought trying to spit out the bad taste the smell was giving him.

    Darlo sat on his back in the poor excuse for a cot staring at the poor excuse for the ceiling. Darlo could almost see moonlight through the cracks in the roof. Underneath Darlo???s cot rats fought over some week old scrap of food from whoever was in the cell before him. After being awaking with spears in his face and being blindfolded, shackled, and thrown into a prison cell, you???d think Darlo would be upset or at the very least nervous, but instead Darlo was pissed.

    Darlo had just gone from being applauded by the Fire Lord, to being treated like a common crook. No one uttered a single word to him or told him why he was being arrested, and when he asked why he was answered with a fist. He had the split lip prove it.

    This crap always happens to me, Darlo thought bitterly. I???m riding high, on my way to receive the ultimate honor and THIS happens.

    Darlo figured he had two options: Escape or stay and find out what in the world was going on. Despite the fact that Darlo could literally escape at any time, he choose the latter.

    The Fire Nation jungle is a dangerous place. Volcanoes, deadly animals, dense foliage, and intense heat make the jungle as deadly as the Fire Nation itself. The perfect place to build a prison, such as the very one Darlo was in. After all, what good is it escaping the prison only to be eaten by a bull spider? Great a threat to life as the jungle is, it has nothing to do with why Darlo choose to remain in his cell.

    Only a guilty criminal would break out of jail. Stay and plead my case, and be let free. So I can return to the Fire Lord???s palace and accept the royal honor waiting for me, Darlo reasoned to himself. Then he smiled. Besides what???s a lil while in prison? Not as if I???m not already used to being here anyway.

    Edited on 12/20/2006 8:36pm
    Edited 2 total times.
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  • Avatar of KilalaRose

    KilalaRose

    [31]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 03/26/06
    • level: 13
    • rank: Regal Beagle
    • posts: 1,612
    (tired of the long quote, so yeah...)

    thirteenparrots: very, very good! I was completely absorbed in it, and, wow...I can't think of anything else to say. I definitely want to read what comes next. 10/10

    Eman5805: A promising storyline. I would be very interested in reading it. 9/10
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  • Avatar of Eman5805

    Eman5805

    [32]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 11/05/04
    • level: 14
    • rank: Autobot
    • posts: 5,943

    I copy and paste my story from Word and the WHOLE thing comes out in italics and lines get completely misplaced??? Typical...

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  • Avatar of thirteenparrots

    thirteenparrots

    [33]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 11/11/06
    • level: 17
    • rank: The Crazy Neighbor
    • posts: 450

    KilalaRose wrote:
    (tired of the long quote, so yeah...) thirteenparrots: very, very good! I was completely absorbed in it, and, wow...I can't think of anything else to say. I definitely want to read what comes next. 10/10

    Thank you very much.?? Btw,?? the next part is already up on my blog.

    The parrots are researching for their next roles.

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  • Avatar of confucioussayhi

    confucioussayhi

    [34]Dec 21, 2006
    • member since: 11/23/06
    • level: 15
    • rank: Ginsu Knife
    • posts: 6,908
    thirteenparrots wrote:

    KilalaRose wrote:
    (tired of the long quote, so yeah...) thirteenparrots: very, very good! I was completely absorbed in it, and, wow...I can't think of anything else to say. I definitely want to read what comes next. 10/10

    Thank you very much.?? Btw,?? the next part is already up on my blog.

    The parrots are researching for their next roles.

    Like iv'e said before, thirteen parrots, 10/10. Eman, 10/10, and scofield, 9/10. These are good, Do we ever post more chapters?
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  • Avatar of ScoField27

    ScoField27

    [35]Dec 21, 2006
    • member since: 12/01/06
    • level: 2
    • rank: Sweat Hog
    • posts: 120
    confucioussayhi wrote:
    thirteenparrots wrote:

    KilalaRose wrote:
    (tired of the long quote, so yeah...) thirteenparrots: very, very good! I was completely absorbed in it, and, wow...I can't think of anything else to say. I definitely want to read what comes next. 10/10

    Thank you very much.?? Btw,?? the next part is already up on my blog.

    The parrots are researching for their next roles.

    Like iv'e said before, thirteen parrots, 10/10. Eman, 10/10, and scofield, 9/10. These are good, Do we ever post more chapters?
    Sure. Chapter 2. Izon limped to his cot. Tending duty, that is tending to the Gorilla-Panthers, was near murder. His garments were ripped and stained a dark-red. He had bandaged himself- the physician was occupied and refused to treat him.

    "How you fellin'?" Asked a fellow solider. This solider was the only true fiend Izon had known in many years. "I'll heal." Said Izon, felling the lacerations below his ribs. The friend pull half a loaf of bread on Izon's pillow. "Save you'd some souper. Visn't alot, but sis all I could sneak out." Izon tumbled unto his cot and devoured the food with much hunger.

    'Why would he do this' Izon thought as he ate the bread. 'why would he risk getting caught just to help- me?' He pulled out a necklace from under his garment. It was a fine Sting-Shark tooth necklace. He kissed it, remembering the only other person who had ever shown him kindness. 'I love you Mom' he whispered to himself. 'I miss you.' Izon whiped a tear from his cheek. He needed sleep. Tomorrow was a lesson on silent elimination. A lesson that would in time fit perfectly into his plans.

    * * * *

    "Wake-up!" A bright lamp was inches from Izon's face as he opened his eyes. He had had the dream- again- but like always he was not able to finish it, as always he knew not what it meant. Izon glanced out the window. Instantly, without seeing anything but the position of the stars, he knew it was a quarter past 3 AM.

    He was quite accustomed by now, to be woken-up early to do extra-work. He quickly turned out of bed and began to put on his boots. "You! Back to sleep!" Called the man with the lamp pointing to Izon. At first he didn't know what the man was doing, but it quickly became apparent. "You have stolen from the Academy's Kitchen!" The officer said, pointing a stubby finger at Izon's friend. "Get up! The penalty for stealing is 5 fire-lashes! "Don't put on your cloths, you will not need them." The officer grabbed the young solider by the neck and began to march him away.

    "RELEASE HIM!" called a voice from behind the officer with the lamp. "Release him now!" Said Izon, standing in a defense stance.

    "Sit down solider." replied the officer coldly. "This man is a criminal against the fire-nation and you will stand down!" Izon paused for a moment, as if un-sure what to do, but then smiled.

    "You fool. You have taken the wrong man." Izon ignored his friend shaking his head and countinued. "Xi, the man you have arrested, is innocent." Izon bowed his head, but spoke loudly. "I stole the bread."

    The officer promptly relesed the young solider named Xi. Izon began to walk over but the solider put up his hand. "We will do it here!" With that the officer dropped his lamp and formed a whip with his fire-bending. Izon quitely turned-around, and the lashings began. The officer did not stop with 5.

    * * * * *

    Izon lay in his cot, his back burnt and bleeding. He felt the bandages on his ribs. They had begun to soak thru. He had had many harsh moments- but for the 1st time- he wondered if he would survive.

    Edited on 12/22/2006 8:17am
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  • Avatar of ScoField27

    ScoField27

    [36]Dec 21, 2006
    • member since: 12/01/06
    • level: 2
    • rank: Sweat Hog
    • posts: 120
    thirteenparrots wrote:

    I'll give it a try. Please, be gentle.

    Time frame for current events is set between the end of 'Appa's Lost Days' and the end of 'The Earth King'.

    Disclaimer: I have nothing to do with Avatar, and/or own any part of Avatar. I am just having some fun writing a story set in that world.

    ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Title: The Walking Dead Man.

    Preface

    ???????? Breathing hard as he slowly moved to add another log to the fire, the former farmer looked over at the young lady lying on the ground wrapped in what was left of his cloak. She was in a very deep sleep, one that he wondered if she would ever wake from, though for the moment he could see her chest gently rise and fall. The former farmer, now a tracker of sorts, pulled the cloak firmer around the girl, then sat back down on the other side of the fire. Glancing out of the small stone structure he was using as a shelter for himself and the girl, he noticed the rain had slowed to a drizzle but, as black as those clouds moving in from the west looked he??doubted it would be long before the heavens opened up wide again. A cold wind came whipping through the structure making the tracker shiver, and with that wind came an all too familiar smell.

    ???????? ???By the spirits??? just when I have final forgotten that awful stench! Who knew burnt human flesh would smell so sickeningly sweet!??? The worn out man said aloud, though no one except the sleeping girl was around to hear him. His stomach felt like a naval battle was taking place in it. He wasn???t sure what would come out, if his stomach did decide to heave it???s contents, considering he hadn???t eaten in more than ten days. As the tracker tore off a piece of cloth from what little remained of his pants and wrapped around his nose and mouth, he thought to himself, ???Hiroshu, why are you hesitating? You have the means to save yourself and continue hunting those responsible for the loss of your daughter.???

    ???????? Staring hard at the young lass as she quietly laid near the fire, wrapped in his worn out cloak, Hiroshu's thoughts continued to taunt him. ???All you need to do is touch her, it would be over quickly, and besides she???ll probably be dead before morning anyway. If you wait until then she???ll be no good for you and you will perish with her.??? As he started to reach for her, the tracker noticed for the first time how old she looked. The girl was close to the age his daughter would be if she were still around. That realization hit him as hard as if he had been hit in the chest by an earth bender???s boulder, and he jerked back so hard he nearly hit his head on the wall of the stone structure and kicked the fire. Quickly patting down his feet the former farmer curled up and started to cry. As the tears freely flowed, Hiroshu thought aloud, ???By the kind spirits??? what have I become? That I would even contemplate killing an innocent child to save this wretch of a man.???

    ???????? At that very moment, the stone structure shook violently as a lightning bolt struck a tree only a few feet from the shelter. Hiroshu???s ears started to bleed from the??very loud echoing the thunder clap had caused inside the shaky shelter. The tracker nearly blacked out, and probably would have, if he hadn't??fallen forward and started to choke on the hot ambers floating up from the fire. After several minutes of choking and disorientation, the tracker in Hiroshu settled down the former farmer, and at which point he finally notice the wide eyed confused stare of the young lady looking at him. She had sat up and turned the cloak so it covered her front side, the side that was facing him, otherwise she just kept looking back and forth between Hiroshu and the now very heavy downpour outside the stone structure.

    ???????? Hiroshu spoke in as a gentle, unthreatening, monotone voice as he could, ???My name is Hiroshu, I was a farmer, a husband, a father, and a good man once. Now,???now,?????? sighing, ???now, I am just a tracker, a would be killer, and one very broken man.???

    ???????? At these words the girl scooted backwards to put her back against the wall, picked up a chunk of rock holding it in a defensive manner, and continued to watch the former farmer across the fire. Through very parched lips the young lass croaked in a rough voice, ???My??? na...me???is Su???ki,??? clearing her throat by spiting out a bit of blood she continued, ???Where are??? the rest of ???the Kyo???shi???warriors????

    ???????? ???First, let me rest assure you at this point I am no threat to you. Second, I know nothing of any other people in the area, you are the only person I have come across in the last couple of days. Lastly, however most importantly, both of us are in such bad shape it is unlikely either of us is going to see too many more days without some help.??? Hiroshu said in a matter of fact manner as was possible. Suki stayed in her defensive position but motioned for Hiroshu to continue.

    ???????? The broken man, in the most sad, defeated, and hopeless voice Suki had ever heard, stated, ???Suki is it? I have a story to tell, about how not to live one???s life, at the end of it, I am going to save your life and maybe through that act I can redeem my spirit.??? Hiroshu leaned forward more over the fire so the young lass could get a better look at him. Where she could for the first time see the charred loose hanging flesh barely clinging to the left arm and ribs. ???By the spirits???I just can???t get that awful stench out of my nose! Who knew one???s own burnt flesh would smell so sickeningly sweet!??? Suki recoiled from the sight and stench of Hiroshu, and as a look of horror crossed her face, the former farmer and now tracker of sorts, began his tale.

    -----------------

    The parrots are taking notes.



    8/10

    Loved the inclusion of Suki!
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  • Avatar of ScoField27

    ScoField27

    [37]Dec 21, 2006
    • member since: 12/01/06
    • level: 2
    • rank: Sweat Hog
    • posts: 120
    Eman and confucioussayhi:

    VERY great stories. Please post more
    7/10 on both!
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    confucioussayhi

    [38]Dec 21, 2006
    • member since: 11/23/06
    • level: 15
    • rank: Ginsu Knife
    • posts: 6,908
    Thet deleted my fanfic thread, those bastards.
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  • Avatar of confucioussayhi

    confucioussayhi

    [39]Dec 21, 2006
    • member since: 11/23/06
    • level: 15
    • rank: Ginsu Knife
    • posts: 6,908

    Chapter-2

    Disclaimer-I don't own blah blah blah and yada yada yada.

    "What the hell was that?!?!"A man yelled at the girl. "I was gonna die!" She yelled back before she remembered her place in society. "WHAT!" The man screamed. "WHAT DID YOU SAY!" "I'm sorry!" She said. "I didn't mean it!". "Your mouth and and your actions in the ring leave me no choice-". "HA!" She thought, there was nothing more that he wanted to do than to put her in a little cramped cell. "-but to throw you in maximum!". "Bingo." She thought as she was roughly forced into the maximum security cell.

    Later that night-

    The girl couldn't sleep. "Why?" she thought. "Why am I here? Why me?" but she always asked these questions. A different thing was bothering her this time. Inhuman screams were coming from the door that led to, as the inmates called it, Death's funhouse. She had heard those very??screams before, mostly from that door. One reason why she hated maximum. But no, he made those sounds all the time. He was called animal-man by the gaurds, because of his tendencies to yell and growl more than he talked. So of the other inmates would whisper about the credibility of him being human. But everyone knew he had a rough life and that he must've snapped a long time ago.

    Just then a creaking sound came from Death's funhouse, then a metallic ripping and shredding noise. The she heard the sound that was one of the few things that scared her. His roar. A deep terrible roar, like a lion, but much worse. Another more awful sound came next. The shredding sound of a blade and the guard's death scream. Everyone covered their ears except the girl. She blindly??watched as a small red dot appeared on the solid metal door. The dot grew brighter and larger until a hand pushed through the door. A white hot knife, literally. She could feel it's power from where she was. His hand was covered in white flames concentrated so intense that it could cut through steel. Which it began to.

    Halfway through cutting the door open, two guards came rushing into the hallway. While one prepared the shirshu spit darts, the other got out the keys. The thing inside apparently heard the guards and had backed up into the room so that when the door opened he would have a sraight shot, but thats wasn't the case. As soon as the first guard unlocked the door he was slammed into the wall from the force of the thing that burst through the doorway. The animal-man, rightly named, jumped on the second guard, grabbing a plate from the back of his armor and stabbed him in the throat with his burning??white hand. After he landed on top of the dead man he turned on the first guard and began to charge. He never reached his goal though. As four darts appeared in his chest, the only thing everyone knew he could be thinking about was clear. Revenge, and lots of it. He would be hell in the ring tomorrow and everyone prayed they wouldn't have to fight him.

    How about that? Huh? Like I said he kills a bunch of people, so if that disturbs you, let me know and I will tone it down. Ok? R and R please.

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  • Avatar of ScoField27

    ScoField27

    [40]Dec 21, 2006
    • member since: 12/01/06
    • level: 2
    • rank: Sweat Hog
    • posts: 120
    Getting better and better confoucious!
    8/10
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