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Book 5 Fanfic: Done with Fic because no one will give it a chance and read it

  • Avatar of electricblue18

    electricblue18

    [21]Nov 12, 2006
    • member since: 09/10/06
    • level: 7
    • rank: Talk Show Host
    • posts: 5,394
    It's ok to spell things wrong...

    In 6th grade, on my spelling folder, I wrote "Spleeling" instead of "Spelling"

    hehe...
    I should read those fanfics. They sound pretty good
    Edited on 11/12/2006 7:21pm
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  • Avatar of Tv-man117

    Tv-man117

    [22]Nov 12, 2006
    • member since: 10/09/06
    • level: 4
    • rank: Thighmaster
    • posts: 102
    piranhapete wrote:

    Mmkay... well there are still a lot of grammar things which aren't really your fault, so I'm just gonna point them out. I'm not condemning you or anything because it's apparent you put some more effort into the correctness. Please pay attention to anything in bold. Just giving you a warning.

    Tv-man117 wrote:

    Here is chapter 2. Leave your suggestions a advice please, I'm hoping that by chapter 4 all the kinks will be worked out so you can enjoy the stroy alot more. I have taken most of everyones advice and used it.

    Book 5: Shadow?????????????????????? Chapter 2: Into the valley part 2

    The battle waged

    raged

    ??on and the weather didn???t seem to get any better. Sokka and Aang ran across the rocky plain, having to duck every now and then from a shot of fire flying by.

    ???Aang, you need to get up on that ledge and take care of those catapults so my men can move forward,??? said Sokka.

    Commas are your friend. Remember that when you end a quote of someone talking, you need some sort of a punctuation mark. If you need a period, put a comma instead. I'm not going to mark that later on in the story, though, so just remember this.

    ???Alright??? I???ll do my best,??? replied Aang

    Aang created an air sphere and jumped on. He zoomed past the enemy troops almost knocking them on there back because of the great speed he was able to go at.

    You might want to just say "because of the great speed" or something a little shorter.??

    ??He zipped straight up the face of the valley to wear (where) the catapults were located. Aang landed perfectly on his feet at the top only to be met by the renegade soldiers. One soldier attempted to hit Aang but missed when Aang jumped right over him. Aang froze a dozen or so of the large droplets of rain and sent them forward knocking the soldiers right off the side of the ledge. Aang looked down the ledge to make sure Sokka was ok.

    It's usually customary to only use the abbreviation of "okay" when people are talking.

    He appeared to be in a fistfight with another soldier. Aang however had no time to go assist Sokka because the catapults were laying siege to the water tribe???s camps. Aang got in his earth-bending stance and send a burst of rock right down the floor of the ledge ripping threw (through) the catapults.

    This sentence had good potential.

    The battle area was safe and the soldiers of the water tribes jumped from behind their barricades and began to push back the renegades. Aang watched from above the valley as the water soldiers pushed the renegades into the caves leading into tunnels deep beneath the valley???s surface. Aang jumped off the ledge and landed on his feet softly to meet up with Sokka.

    ??

    ???Well, looks like this fights over,??? said Sokka

    ???What makes you think that???? replied Aang

    ???Well there (they're) stuck under the earth and you are technically a master earth bender so you can just you know???? insisted Sokka.

    "You can just you know?" is a bit awkward. I would add a "..." between the just and the you and add something about Sokka gesturing, but that's just me.

    ???Sokka are you crazy they may be are enemies but I am not going to do something as horrible as that,??? replied Aang.

    "Sokka are you crazy?" and "They may be enemies..." should be two different sentences.

    ???Why not they???ve tried to hurt you and your friends you could put a huge dent in their plans right now so why are you hesitating!??? yelled Sokka.

    Again it blends two sentences together. Also, "hesitating" should be followed by a question mark. It would also add greater variety if you used the form of "Sokka yelled" rather than continually doing the reverse. Alternating every now and then helps the story stay fluid.

    ???Because I am not just going to kill hundreds in cold blood I am suppose to keep peace not kill hundreds??? replied Aang in a defensive voice.

    This part is a high point of the story; to make it even higher you could seperated "Because I am... in cold blood," with "I am supposed... not kill hundreds."

    ???Why not you sure seemed to kill Ozai in cold blood oh wit (what) how many others have there been. (been?) You sure didn???t think twice about some of them ??? said Sokka.

    ???You know I wasn???t in control of myself at the time!??? said Aang now right in front of Sokka face.

    ???Fine but if even one of my men is hurt down there that???s one husband, father or son who won???t be returning home. Just think about that while you???re down there,??? replied Sokka poking his finger at Aang.

    This is definetely the best part of the??chapter in my opinion. It's really a great argument and both sides have validity.

    Aang did not replay (respond?) to Sokka???s remark and instead held his head low. His stomach felt heavy as he walked past the soldiers giving him looks of disbelieve. (disbelief) ???Alright men(,) lets go,??? commanded Sokka.

    ??Hooray!

    The tunnels were lit very poorly; a few torches attached to the walls on the cave were lit giving a small bit of light. Sokka and Aang were at the front of the group of about forty men(,) leading the way.

    ???All right everyone(,) be very quite??(quiet)(.)??we don???t want them to know that were (we're) coming??? whispered Sokka to everyone behind him. The group continued down deeper under the earth. Drops of cold water made their way threw the ground and would occasionally hit some one on the head.

    ???Look Sokka(!) a light!??? said Aang. Sokka pulled a small paper from one of his pockets and began to examine it.

    ???From the maps of these tunnels I have I think were nearing the center point of the valley,??? said Sokka.

    Aang leaned in to take a peak (peek) into the center room.

    ???Sokka(,) there???s a few guys in there??? whispered Aang.

    One of the renegade soldiers turned there (not nessecary)??around to notice Aang staring at them.

    ???Run!??? yelled one of them.

    Aang quickly blocked them with a quick kick to the ground and a large slab of rock rose from the ground and blocked their way.

    Neat! An adverb describing Aang's action would make it terriffic. However, typically you should avoid saying and more than once in a sentence, even if you have a reason, unless you're making a point of it.

    The renegades tried to get out the other way but were met with just another wall of rock. Finally coming to their senses the soldiers dropped to their knees and put their hands up in the air in defeat.

    ???Its about time you people gave up??? said Sokka to the soldiers who just stared in disgust at him.

    ???Soldier(,)??(a name would be more realistic)??go tell the remaining captains to take there troops threw (through) the rest of the tunnels and clear out the rest of the renegades??? commanded Sokka.

    ???Yes Sir??? replied the soldier who then started running towards the exit.

    ???Come on Aang(.) lets get out of here??? said Sokka. Aang just stayed silent and followed.

    ??

    When the two emerged outside again the rain had finally stopped and rays of light were beginning to break threw (through)??the wall of gray clouds in the sky.

    ???Finally the weather is improving(,)??? said Sokka.

    Aang still would not talk to him.

    ???Look Aang im sorry about before, (.)??its (It's) just you know I have to look out for these guys and I don???t want to see any of them hurt??? said Sokka who was trying to apologize to Aang.

    ???I guess I understand,??? replied Aang.

    ???Come on bud cheer up??? said Sokka.

    Aang smirked and Sokka gave him a punch in the arm saying, ???Come on Aang, friends????

    ???Ya (Yeah is a lot more commonly accepted) I guess,??? said Aang with a smile on his face.

    ???Good, well I guess all see you around then,??? said Sokka.

    ???I???ll see you at the next fight then??? laughed Aang.

    ???Oh that???s right I almost forgot. If you don???t have to go anywhere the earth king is having his annual ball in Omashu. I don???t really want to go but Arnook says I have to but (and, not but) I thought I would visit Toph while I was there. So you want to come???? asked Sokka.

    ??? I don???t know,??? replied Aang.

    ???Oh Katara got invited too. It took me I while to persuade her, she has just been moping for the last week ever since??she broke up with that boy friend (boyfriend is one word) of hers??? said Sokka.

    ???Well I guess I can go,??? said Aang with excitement.

    ???Alright I will see you there??? replied Sokka.

    ??

    Coming soon Chapter 3: The Earth Kings Ball

    Note: the main story will begin next chapter and all the charchters Zuko,Toph,Katara and more will be back.

    You've improved, but you're commonly getting words mixed up like peak and peek, but you really need to concentrate on the difference of through and threw. It would also help if you tried to seperate run-on sentences. You have a ton of them in your dialogue it's annoying. (That would be a run-on sentence.) You still have some places where you don't have punctiation after character quotes.

    Nonetheless, it's a pretty good story so far and it's a lot better than the first chapter.

    Thanks for the advice all use it to improve on the next chapter.

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  • Avatar of Vampdude69

    Vampdude69

    [23]Nov 13, 2006
    • member since: 09/25/06
    • level: 6
    • rank: Small Wonder
    • posts: 1,173
    Nice story. I'm redoing my Dark Avatar version. If you guys wanna read, it, go ahead.
    PLZ LEAVE COMMENTS THOUGH. LOL
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  • Avatar of Tv-man117

    Tv-man117

    [24]Nov 13, 2006
    • member since: 10/09/06
    • level: 4
    • rank: Thighmaster
    • posts: 102

    Well heres Chapter 3 its pretty long but i think you will enjoy it, please leave lots of comments so i can improve on the story.

    Note:??I changed the goverment of the earth kingdom a bit and some charchters stories. The earth kingdom is unified. King Bumi was the sole ruler before he was defeated by Fire Lord Ozai. With no heir to Bumi's throne Long Feng attempted to take control. General Fong instead of being a bad guy is head of the earth kingdoms military and a great earth bender. Haru instead is in his early tweanties and a soldier who was good freinds with fong it is later found out Haru is related to Bumi and becomes King

    If you guys really dislike this idea i can change it back to the original way.

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  • Avatar of Tv-man117

    Tv-man117

    [25]Nov 13, 2006
    • member since: 10/09/06
    • level: 4
    • rank: Thighmaster
    • posts: 102

    Book 5: Shadow?????????????????????????????????????? Chapter 3: The Earth Kings ball.???????????????? Enjoy!

    It was smooth sailing now for Aang and Appa. The rain had stopped and the sun was shining in the open blue sky.

    ???Sure would have been nice if the weather was like this a few hours ago eh Appa,??? said Aang.

    Appa responded to Aangs comment with a large growl.

    The two were making great time account of the great weather they were having and would be there in no time.

    ??

    Appa flew over the mountain range and into the large crater surrounded by mountains, which held in its center the beautiful city of Omashu. Appa flew into the busy city. He flew over some houses in the lower level where some kids were fighting with wooden sticks. They immediately dropped the sticks in pure amazement, there eyes lit wide open in the sight of the avatar. Aang looked down towards the kids who were now starting to chase Appa as he glided softly over top the buildings.

    ???Wow it really is him!??? said one of the kids from below trying to keep up with Appa.

    ???Hey Avatar Aang down here down here!??? yelled one of the kids.

    Aang smiled and waved to the kids before Appa began to make his way to the upper part of the large city.

    ??

    Toph???s academy was located in the upper part of the city, not to far from the Omashu palace. Only Omashu???s best youngsters are to be trained by Toph who was well known for her interesting style of teaching. Aang brought Appa in for a landing at the front entrance of the school.

    ???Stay here buddy I wont be long,??? said Aang

    Aang hoped down from Appa???s sattle and started to walk towards the door. Just as he was about to open the door it swung open almost hitting Aang in the face. A teenage boy ran out the front crying. Aang looked at the boy with a bit of fear remembering some of the things Toph put him threw. Aang walked threw the front door and into the main training room.

    ???Now is any one else in here going to run away crying to there mommies???? yelled Toph

    ???No Sifu Toph??? responded the students who were petrified with fear.

    Toph paused for a moment.

    ???Twinkle toes? Twinkle toes it is you??? said Toph.

    Aang began to walk towards Toph who still wore her hair the same way and had now become a woman.

    ???How did you know it was me???? asked Aang.

    ???I could recognize those little girly footsteps of yours miles away,??? laughed Toph.

    ???They aren???t girly there just soft,??? replied Aang.

    ???Whatever. Lets go inside and chat,??? said Toph.

    ???Class is dismissed for today,??? commanded Toph like an army sergeant.

    The students quickly grabbed there belonging and scurried out the front door.

    ??

    Aang sat at a small table with a window over looking the city. Toph walked over with two cups of tea and sat down.

    ???So are you going to Haru???s ball???? asked Aang.

    ???Of course I am the best earth bending teacher in the city, and a war hero,??? bragged Toph.

    Aang took a sip of the tea before regurgitating it back into the cup.

    ???A little cold don???t you think??? said Aang

    ???I like it that way??? replied Toph.

    Aang began to focus on the tea, which began to bubble.

    ???So you know Katara's is going??? said Toph who was teasing Aang.

    ???I know,??? replied Aang in a defensive voice.

    ??? Oh come on I may be blind but even I can tell you???re in love with her,??? said Toph who was trying to get Aang fired up.

    ???I do not,??? said Aang

    ???Believe what you want then, that party is in a couple hours and I need to start getting ready, so I don???t have time to argue with you??? said Toph

    ???Alright then fine I???m heading over there now then I think I???ll give Fong and Haru a visit before the party is in full swing??? said Aang.

    ???See you there then twinkle toes.??? replied Toph as she was walked down the hallway.

    ??

    When Aang landed at the Omashu palace he was greeted with open arms. Many soldiers who had never met him wished to shake his hand or even hug him.

    ???Alright troops leave the man alone,??? yelled Fong in his thunderous voice.

    ???Yes General Fong??? replied the soldiers who then went back to their posts.

    Fong approached Aang who was quite small compared to the tank like general.

    Fong wrapped his large arms around Aang and gave him a big hug.

    ???Ha how have you been young Avatar???? laughed Fong who was now holding Aang off the ground.

    ???I can???t breathe,??? moaned Aang.

    ???Oh sorry about that I don???t know my own strength some times??? said Fong who put Aang down back on his feet.

    ???Thanks for the hug??? said Aang sarcastically.

    ???Come avatar Aang let me take you inside to see King Haru???. Said Fong

    The two headed into the palace and towards the Earth Kings throne room.

    ??

    When Fong and Aang entered the throne room Haru was busy as usual talking with some men possibly high ranking government officials.

    ???King Haru the Avatar is here to see you,??? said Fong

    Haru turned his head around to see Aang,

    ???Aang what are you doing here??? said Haru.

    ???I heard you were throwing a party tonight and I had nothing else to do??? said Aang

    ???I could have sworn I sent some one to invite you, strange??? said Haru as he scratched his chin.

    ???Well I???m here now??? said Aang.

    ???Look Aang I have some work to finish before the ball begins, so I really have to go but you can just make yourself at home until then, and I will see you at the party??? said Haru.

    ???Alright then??? said Aang.

    ??

    The ball was starting and many rich and powerful people were coming in threw the palace doors. Aang was still in his temporarly room staring in a mirror.

    ???So Katara how have you been??? he said to himself.

    ???Hahaha nice??? laughed Toph in her formal wear standing by the door.

    ???You???ve been listening to me this whole time!??? yelled Aang.

    ???Hey you are suppose to be an expert earth bender you should have heard my footsteps,??? laughed Toph.

    Aang face was now bright red from embarrassment.

    ???Jeez twinkle toes its not that big a deal now come on out im sure your girlfriend will be here soon??? snickered Toph as she left the room.

    Aang adjusted the color on his air bender clothes before running out to follow Toph.

    ??

    The ballroom itself was quite large. A live band was playing tunes on their array of instruments. There was a large table towards the front where the high-ranking people of the four nations sat.

    ???Hey there???s Zuko coming in Aang,??? said Toph.

    Zuko was now at the age of twenty-four and was one of the youngest fire lords of all time. He wore his hair like he once did before his banishment; the golden flame, which his father once wore, was attached to where his ponytail and hair met. Beside him was Jin, who had now left Ba Sing Se to live in the fire nation capitol. She wore royal fire nation robes like most of the higher-class women in the fire nation did.

    ???Whose that man behind him I have never seen him before,??? said Aang.

    ???That is General Zheng,??? stated Fong who had stuck up behind Toph and Aang.

    ???If it wasn???t for him who knows if Zuko would have gained support from his people??? said Fong.

    Zheng???s style of hair was somewhat like Zuko???s late uncle Iroh or Admiral Zhao. It was jet black and he had a goatee on his chin.

    ???Zheng was an admiral and respected fire bender back when fire lord Ozai ruled. When Zuko was finding it hard to get the people of the fire nation to follow him Zheng stepped up and supported him, and after that people began to respect him slowly??? said Fong.

    ???Oh I see,??? said Aang.

    ???Well I guess I better be going now to start greeting people??? stated Fong in a sour voice.

    ???Hey twinkle toes look who coming threw the front door,??? laughed Toph. Behind Chief Arnook and some other water tribe members was Katara. Aang just stared for a moment as she walked in.

    ???Oh Katara over here!??? yelled Toph.

    ???What do you think your doing???? said Aang.

    Katara noticed and began to walk over.

    ???How???s my breath??? said Aang as he breathed in Tophs face.

    ???My god what have you been eating??? said Toph as she plugged her nose.

    ???Hey guys,??? said Katara.

    ???Oh hey Katara??? stuttered Aang.

    ???Oh hey there???s Sokka I think I???ll just go see him for a while and leave you two alone??? laughed Toph.

    ???Your late, you should manage your time better.??? said Toph.

    ???Toph your wearing shoes isn???t that a little formal for you??? said Sokka as he tried to catch his breath.

    Toph began to turn red with anger.

    ???Now excuse me but I am a very important man and have things to do,??? said Sokka.

    ??

    ???So how have you been Katara???? asked Aang.

    ???Pretty good how about you? Replied Katara.

    ???Good??? said Aang.

    The two stayed silent for a moment in awkwardness.

    ???Hey where???s Appa???? asked Katara.

    ???Outside you want to go see him???? answered Aang.

    ???Ya lets go,??? replied Katara.

    ??

    ???Sokka my boy!??? said Fong.

    ???General Fong its good to see you too??? replied Sokka.

    ???Sokka I have some one for you too meet, this is my daughter Liuli,??? said Fong

    ???Hi??? greeted Liuli. Liuli was a young woman. She had brown hair and blue eyes and wore a fancy earth kingdom dress.

    Sokka???s mouth was hanging open over the sight of the beautiful girl.

    ???Oh there???s Mr.Hanyu I should go greet him??? said Fong who then went to go see the elderly man.

    ??

    ???You have a bit of drool there,??? laughed Liuli.

    ???Oh uh its not drool, my tongue is just sweating, man is it hot in here??? stuttered Sokka.

    Liuli just laughed at his remark ???Your kinda funny??? said Liuli.

    ???Ya I know,??? said Sokka in a cocky kind of voice.

    ??

    Aang and Katara were lying atop Appa looking into the clear night sky.

    ???Time sure does go by fast,??? said Katara

    ???Katara I have something to tell you,??? said Aang

    Katara sat up and said ???what is it Aang???

    ???Katara ever since I first saw I??? Aang???s speech was cut short by a soldier yelling for him.

    ???Avatar Aang I have a message for you??? yelled the soldier below Appa.

    ???Perfect timing??? Aang thought to himself.

    ???Here this just came in,??? said the soldier.

    Aang opened the letter and read the message.

    ???You have to go I guess???? asked Katara.

    ???Ya??? replied Aang.

    ???Well im not important you go??? said Katara.

    Aang climbed atop Appa and got comfterble in his seat.

    ???Appa yip yip!??? commanded Aang.

    Appa rose from the floor and flew out into the night.

    ???Bye??? whispered Katara.

    ??

    ???So Mr. Hanyu how are you,??? asked Fong.

    ???My great grandfather is deaf in his left ear you will need to speak up,??? said the young man beside Mr. Hanyu. ???How are you!??? yelled Fong. Mr. Hanyu lifted his right hand slowly and mumbling some words. He was pointing towards Liuli and Sokka who were sneaking out the back door.

    ???Wonderful!??? said Fong who was pretending to understand the elderly man.

    The doors of the ballroom all of a sudden slammed open. A soldier was running at top speed towards Fong. ???General Fong I have an urgent message from Ba Sing Se??? said the soldier. ???Well im sure it can wait I am speaking to Mr. Hanyu here??? replied Fong who was hinting at the soldier to scram.

    The soldier whispered into Fong???s ear.

    ???WHAT!??? yelled Fong.

    Every one in the room stopped talking to look over towards the furious general. Fong began to give the soldier some orders and then headed outside himself.

    ??

    Liuli and Sokka were sharing a kiss when the door behind them slammed open and Fong emerged. Liuli quickly pushed Sokka away.

    ???Lets Go Liuli you have to go home right now??? commanded Fong.

    ???But??? Liuli was cut short of her speech.

    ???Now!??? yelled Fong.

    ???Fine!??? she replied.

    ???Wow Fong what???s going on???? asked Sokka.

    ???Bad news Sokka I just got word from Ba Sing Se that??? Fong paused for a moment and looked towards the ground.

    ???What is it???? said Sokka.

    "Long Feng has escaped" replied Fong.

    Chapter 4: Revelations?????????? Coming on Tuesday

    Edited on 11/14/2006 4:34pm
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  • Avatar of Eman5805

    Eman5805

    [26]Nov 13, 2006
    • member since: 11/05/04
    • level: 14
    • rank: Autobot
    • posts: 5,943
    King Haru? nice
    Edited on 11/13/2006 4:06pm
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  • Avatar of Tv-man117

    Tv-man117

    [27]Nov 13, 2006
    • member since: 10/09/06
    • level: 4
    • rank: Thighmaster
    • posts: 102
    Eman5805 wrote:
    King Haru? nice


    lol
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  • Avatar of Tv-man117

    Tv-man117

    [28]Nov 13, 2006
    • member since: 10/09/06
    • level: 4
    • rank: Thighmaster
    • posts: 102

    could use some comments.

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  • Avatar of Lord-darkboy

    Lord-darkboy

    [29]Nov 14, 2006
    • member since: 10/11/06
    • level: 10
    • rank: Holy Level 10!
    • posts: 1,237

    whats happend to bumi don't tell me he died

    where suki?

    and why did iroh??had to die he was my fav.

    Edited on 11/14/2006 7:21am
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  • Avatar of Tv-man117

    Tv-man117

    [30]Nov 14, 2006
    • member since: 10/09/06
    • level: 4
    • rank: Thighmaster
    • posts: 102
    Lord-darkboy wrote:

    whats happend to bumi don't tell me he died

    where suki?

    and why did iroh??had to die he was my fav.

    Bumi is dead

    Its only chapter 3 so dont worry about suki

    Dont worry about Iroh he is gone but i promise he will be back in some shape or form.

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  • Avatar of Tv-man117

    Tv-man117

    [31]Nov 14, 2006
    • member since: 10/09/06
    • level: 4
    • rank: Thighmaster
    • posts: 102

    Here is chapter 4 leave comments please i could use some more.

    Book 5: Shadow???????????????????????????????????????? Chapter 4 Revelations

    The party was still in full swing and Fong and Sokka where outside talking still.

    ???How did this happen?????asked Sokka.

    ???From the information I have he was broken out by those damn renegades!??? yelled an angered Fong.

    ???When did this happen???? asked Sokka.

    ???Three days ago, and that???s why you need to get into the palace and go into your room!??? demanded Fong.

    ???I???m an adult now! I can take care of myself,??? yelled Luili.

    ???No you cant, Long Feng may very well be in the city, and you know I am far from being on his good side,??? replied Fong.

    ???Liuli maybe you should listen to your father??? said Sokka who was trying to calm down the girl.

    Liuli stayed quite and stomped back into the palace.

    ???That girl is impossible to reason with,??? said Fong

    ???Kind of like you??? laughed Sokka.

    ???There is no time for jokes Sokka. We need to get these people out of the palace and to their homes,??? said Fong.

    ??

    ???Zuko you don???t look like your having much fun??? asked Jin.

    ???Because I am not, these get together's bore me??? replied Zuko

    ???Oh come on lighten up your too up tight about things, just relax let loose a bit??? said Jin.

    ???When you???re the leader of an entire nation you can never just relax,??? replied Zuko.

    ???Listen to me, everything is under control why don???t you go visit Aang or Sokka you haven???t seen them in a while??? replied Jin.

    ???I suppose,??? said Zuko.

    Just as Zuko was getting out of his seat Haru stopped him

    ???Zuko we need to talk??? said Haru.

    ???No he cant right now Haru, Zuko is going to visit his friends,??? said Jin who was hinting at Haru to leave.

    ???Sorry but we need to talk now??? replied Haru.

    ???Haru is right I should go,??? said Zuko.

    The two men exited the ballroom and headed towards the throne room.

    "When will he learn to listen" muttered Jin.

    ??

    Sokka and Fong burst through the back doors of the ballroom suddenly.

    ???Alright we need to get the people out of here??? said Sokka.

    ???My god any one in here could be Long Feng or a resistance solider??? stated Fong.

    ???I think I have an idea,??? said Sokka.

    ??

    Across the room Katara was talking with Toph.

    ???Well he???s a great guy and I find him as a really good friend??? said Katara.

    ???He???s always had a thing for you??? replied Toph.

    ???Oh my gosh, what is Sokka doing??? said Katara

    ???What is it quickly tell me!??? asked Toph with excitement.

    ???Well it looks like Sokka is on top of a table yelling about something,??? answered Katara.

    ???Never in my life have I wanted sight at this moment so bad??? said a disappointed Toph.

    ??

    ??

    ???Everyone listen to me!??? yelled Sokka atop a table.

    ???Long Feng and renegade soldiers may be in the vicinity, I ask that you all exit the palace in an orderly fashion!??? said Sokka.

    Everyone in the room stopped even the band. For a moment everything was paused.

    People in the room began to scream pushing and shoving to get out the door.

    ???No everyone please we can do this in an orderly way??? yelled Sokka.

    No one could hear him since everyone was in a state of panic and rushing out the palace doors. In just a few minutes the entire ballroom was deserted.

    ???Out of all the things your foolish brother has done Katara, that was the icing on the cake,??? laughed Toph.

    ??

    Zuko and Haru entered the throne room where Chief Arnook and Guru Pathik waited.

    The Guru wore the traditional air bender robes and had groomed his snowy white beard.

    ???We need to discuss these renegades,??? said Arnook.

    ???What???s there to discuss I know what there trying to do,??? answered Zuko.

    ???No that is not it young fire lord. We have information that they are hiding in the jungles of your nation,??? said Pathik.

    ???My men have torn that jungle apart looking for them,??? said Zuko.

    ???Well it appears your men did a lousy job of it,??? stated Arnook.

    ???What did you say about my soldiers!??? yelled Zuko.

    ???Hey guys calm down no one is blaming any one here, we all want to put these renegades down??? said Haru as he got in-between Arnook and Zuko.

    ???Haru is right violence is not the answer here, one thing I have learned in my one hundred and fifty seven years of life is that meeting aggression with aggression just creates more troubles??? stated Pathik.

    ???So what do you purpose we do then??? replied Arnook.

    ???That I have not thought on so much,??? laughed Pathik.

    Haru shook his head at Pathik remark.

    ???Fine I will search the jungles again, but don???t expect to find anything,??? said Zuko as he exited the room.

    ???That punk has been bad news from the beginning,??? said an angered Arnook.

    ???You continue to blame him for his fathers actions Arnook, he is different and you know that??? said Pathik.

    ???Why don???t you keep reminding me???? said Arnook as he rolled his eyes.

    ??

    ???All right Sokka I think its time to call it a night??? said Katara.

    ???Ya all right??? said Sokka as he jumped down from the table.

    ???I just don???t get why no one listened to me,??? said a saddened Sokka.

    ???Idiot??? mumbled Toph.

    The three called it a night and exited the palace???s font gates.

    ??

    When Aang awoke atop Appa it was dawn the bison was going in for a landing near a small village. Appa landed near a broken down wooden house and Aang jumped off.

    ???Hello!??? yelled Aang.

    ???This fog makes it impossible to see??? muttered Aang.

    An old man came running out of nowhere all of sudden almost hitting Aang.

    ???Stay back foul spirit??? yelled the elderly man.

    ???Calm down I???m the avatar I was sent to help you,??? said Aang.

    ???Thank the heavens, come come I will take you inside,??? said the man as he waved his hand for Aang to follow him.

    ???Stay here buddy all be right back,??? said Aang.

    Appa let out a large growl as Aang followed the old man.

    The village was a small strip of houses, old and beat down.

    ???Come in here avatar??? said the old man as he opened the door to one of the houses.

    When the house was small and crowded. About twenty people were inside shivering from the cold when Aang attempted to ask them something they would just stare blankly at him.

    He noticed the small campfire, which was out.

    ???Here??? he said, Aang used his fire bending skills to light the wood, creating a bright flame.

    The townsfolk???s smiles lit up as they surrounded around the campfire.

    ???So what???s the problem here???? asked Aang.

    ???Everything is a problem,??? said the old man.

    ???By the way my name is Shensu,??? stated Shensu.

    Shensu walked into a back room where he sat down and began to complain about his back.

    ???Can I ask what the problem here is???? asked Aang.

    ???Spirits!??? yelled Shensu.

    ???Spirits???? replied Aang.

    ???Yes are you deaf, they come out at night and ransack are village.

    ???Ok so do you have any suggestion on what I should do? Most times when I go some place to help they give me something to start with,??? said Aang who was trying to crack a joke.

    Shensu just sat there staring down Aang.

    ???The shadows pass??? stated Shensu.

    "The shadows pass???? said Aang.

    ???You need to have your ears checked boy!??? yelled Shensu.

    ???Just never mind, can you at least show me where this is??? said Aang.

    ???Alright lets go,??? replied Shensu.

    Aang grabbed Appa and the three walked to the north end of the village, which was the base of a mountain. There was a small pass leading into the mountain. A think fog ran out from the pass.

    ???Just follow the pass to the top of the mountain??? said Shensu.

    ???Alright then, lets go Appa,??? said Aang.

    Appa would not budge; whenever he got near the pass he began to freak out and ran back five meters.

    ???Well I guess im doing this on my own??? said Aang.

    ???Go go!??? yelled Shensu.

    ???Why can???t I ever go to a warm place which doesn???t have any problems??? muttered Aang as he headed into the pass.

    Chapter 5 Coming Thursday.

    Edited on 11/14/2006 8:52pm
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  • Avatar of Tv-man117

    Tv-man117

    [32]Nov 16, 2006
    • member since: 10/09/06
    • level: 4
    • rank: Thighmaster
    • posts: 102

    Here is chapter 5. Please leave your comments and advice it is greatly appreciated.

    Book 5: Shadow?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Chapter 5: Lost in the Dark

    The pass was pretty much a graveyard. The tree???s bared no leafs or color, not one plant grew from a crack in the rocky wall. Aang continued onwards in which he could see no end account of the thick fog. After a few hours of hiking into the pass Aang came to something. In front of Aang was a small hole in the face of the wall, just big enough for a full-grown man to fit through. Seeing that there was no other way Aang decided to enter. He slid down and landed in pitch black. Seeing no light around him he put his right hand face up, and used his fire bending skills to create a flame in his hand, which only gave him a small bit of light. The cave he had entered seemed as if no one had touched it for years. It appeared like a long hallway with no end to it. Aang continued onwards pushing the cobwebs, which appeared to be all over the place, out of his face, which the bull spiders had spun. Eventually Aang came to what appeared to be a large open room with in the cave, but with the small bit of light he had, he had no idea of how big it could be.

    ???Gross??? Aang said as he stepped onto a small bull spider.

    He began to wipe his foot against the ground to try to get the small spider off when something horrifying happened.

    A large glob of drool dropped down in front of Aang. He began to hear rustling from above.

    ???That does not sound good??? Aang muttered to himself.

    He used his fire bending and sent out a wave of fire giving the room a warm light for a few seconds. Hanging above in her nest was a mother bull spider. The spider was monstrous compared to Aang; Her two full grown horns sticking out of her head were as sharp as two broad swords. The spider began to repel down from the large web attached to the roof. Aang got in his fire benders stance ready to press an attack. The bull spider charged towards Aang with her horns pointed towards him. He began to shoot spurts of fire at the spider trying to slow her down. The fire wasn???t slowing her down however and, her horn now only a few meters from Aang. Aang stomped his foot on the ground and a thick slab of rock quickly emerged from the floor. Before the mother bull spider had time to realize what was in front of her, her right horn stabbed into the rock like a knife going into butter. Her horn went right through the rock just as it missed Aang by a few inches. Now stuck Aang had his chance to mount an attack. The mother bull spider began to swing her legs wildly attempting to hit Aang. Aang ducked, and dodged as she missed each time. With a large burst of wind from Aang she slid across the room slamming into the side of the cave. Giving one last tug she was able to pull her horn out with the large piece of rock still attached. She began to charge again; Aang now fed up, hit the ground with his fist sending a wave of earth through the ground. The bull spider began to get overwhelmed and fell to her side. The ground had been beaten and was almost in pieces. Aang began to approach the beaten mother bull spider.

    ???Poor thing??? said Aang.

    Aang did not notice that the spider rose one of her legs in the air. She attempted with her last bit of breath to get Aang but she missed once again.

    ???Nice try??? laughed Aang. As he laughed an odd noise could be heard, almost as if something beneath them was shifting.

    ???Oh not good??? muttered Aang.

    The ground beneath the mother bull spider and Aang suddenly caved in. Beneath them was a large tunnel almost like a slide. The two were sucked right in and began to fall deep into the earth.

    ??

    ??

    When Aang awoke he felt like some one had beaten him over the head badly. His leg was hurt pretty badly and he felt as if he couldn???t move it. Aang could see nothing and had no idea how deep he was under the earth???s surface. His earth bending technique of listening was useless down here when every thing was silent. Aang began to crawl around, trying to feel for anything, which may be useful. That is when he felt something. It was a small bowl like object atop some type of concrete block. Aang used the object to pull himself up from atop the cold floor. There appeared to be some old branches maybe even some firewood in the bowl. Aang used his fire bending and lit a small flame in the bowl. The flame appeared to catch on has the flame soon turned into a fire. Aang sat against the wall, a drop of sweat dropped down from his head and into his eye. Aang began to rub his eye when he noticed something. Another torch just like the one he was sitting beside was across the room. With the bit of energy he had left he seemed to muster out a shot of fire, which lit the second torch. The room was now half lit and Aang could make out the rest of it. The room was quite small maybe four meters in length. In each corner was a small torch, which could be easily lit. But what puzzled Aang was what was in the dead center of the room. A small wooden circle was in the floor. Aang began to crawl over to it. The wood was very old it seemed but it was holding in place. Thinking something useful could be in it Aang punched a hole right through the wooden object, which was only just a bit bigger, then his own fist. Aang was feeling around in the small hole when his hand began to tingle. Aang's eyes began to shut and he fell into a deep sleep.

    ??

    Three cloaked men were running through the streets of Ba Sing Se that very night.

    ?????This way hurry??? whispered one as if they were trying to evade someone.

    The other two followed him into a back alleyway. The three hid behind a house???s wall as a group Ba Sing Se soldiers ran by.

    ???That was close,??? said one of the men as he removed the hood over his head.

    ???A little too close for my liking??? replied Long Feng has he removed his hood as well.

    ???Alright lets,??? said the renegade soldier who was cut short when the men could hear a crash come down from the other side of the alley.

    ???Gansu go check it out,??? commanded Long Feng.

    Gansu ran towards the other alleyway. The men could see only shadows when Gansu ran into some one. What Long Feng saw even terrified the likes of him. Who ever it was picked up Gansu, who was a relatively big man by the throat and slammed him into the wall. Then the shadow simply disappeared.

    ???I???m getting out of here!??? yelled a terrified Kwong as he attempted to make a run for it.

    ???Fool wait!??? replied Long Feng, but it was too late Kwong had simply disappeared.

    ???Show yourself coward??? demanded Long Feng who was obviously becoming worried.

    Behind Long Feng a shady figure stood but when Long Feng turned around, who ever it was, had vanished. His hands began to clamp up as he slowly backed up to the door, which lead into the renegade???s safe house. For a moment it seemed as if the person had left. All Long Feng could hear were the cool fall winds blowing in the night. He quickly turned the doorknob and entered the house slamming the door behind him and leaving Gansu and Kwong out there to what ever it was out there.

    ???Long Feng you???re here at last, But where are the others??? greeted a renegade soldier.

    ???Out there something got them,??? replied a shaken Long Feng.

    ???What are you talking???? said the soldier who was cut short when the candles went out.

    ???It???s got in the house!??? yelled Long Feng.

    ???Hold on sir??? said the soldier who used his fire bending to create some light.

    Long Feng was looking at the soldier when what appeared to be a black hand reached around and covered the soldier???s mouth, pulling him into the darkness.

    ???Show yourself!??? yelled Long Feng.

    Just has Long Feng finished yelling the candles all flickered back on as if nothing just occurred. The room was as clear as day and the renegade soldier that was pulled into the darkness were gone. Long Feng stood there sweating from nervousness completely puzzled as to what just happened.

    ??

    Aang suddenly awoke. For some reason he was in his own bed. It was the dead of night still and a cold breeze from the ocean ran in through his bedrooms window. Momo lay quietly sleeping at the edge of Aang???s bed snoring away. His mind was a blank as to what happened. He could remember everything until up to the time he passed out. He removed his covers and threw a few cloths on and headed down stairs. Aang rushed down the long spiral flight of stairs and into the second floor of his temple.

    ???Avatar Aang what are you doing up at this time of hour???? asked Mother Harsha.

    ???Forgive me mother Harsha if I woke you??? said Aang as he gave a polite air bender???s nod. Mother Harsha was Aangs house keeper in a way. She kept the temple in order when Aang was gone. Mother Harsha was an elderly woman maybe even in her hundreds for all Aang knew. She had the traditional female air benders air style and the arrow tattoos symbolizing that she was a master.

    ???Oh I always wake up before dawn it is when I meditate before the day begins,??? replied the cheerful nun.

    ???Can I ask you something???? asked Aang.

    ???Of course young Avatar, oh dear I should stop calling you young you are quite the man now??? rambled Harsha.

    ???Just how did I get home???? demanded Aang.

    ???Well like you always do with Appa, we are in the middle of the ocean,??? laughed Harsha.

    ???So I got back here with Appa, when???? asked Aang.

    ???Well Appa landed in the bottom level and you headed straight to bed just as I was about to, now I really must be going, your welcome to join me??? said Mother Harsha.

    Aang could not belief what he was hearing. He had no recollection of what had happened and he wanted some answers.

    Chapter 6 Coming Saturday

    Edited on 11/17/2006 3:01pm
    Edited 2 total times.
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  • Avatar of piranhapete

    piranhapete

    [33]Nov 17, 2006
    • member since: 12/31/04
    • level: 11
    • rank: Red Shirted Lt.
    • posts: 3,135
    Pretty interesting.
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  • Avatar of Lord-darkboy

    Lord-darkboy

    [34]Nov 18, 2006
    • member since: 10/11/06
    • level: 10
    • rank: Holy Level 10!
    • posts: 1,237
    h??h?? i had some problems with finding it (it felt down a little bit cuz of the zutara fans) anyway as good as asual i don't mind the spelling as long as i understand it but be quickly with part 6
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  • Avatar of Tv-man117

    Tv-man117

    [35]Nov 18, 2006
    • member since: 10/09/06
    • level: 4
    • rank: Thighmaster
    • posts: 102

    Here is chapter 6. Please leave your comments and advice it is greatly appreciated.

    Book 5: Shadow???????????????????????????????? Chapter 6: Returning to old Battle grounds

    Zuko gazed into the small pond he and his mother use to feed the small ducks in.

    ???Zuko what???s wrong???? asked Jin as she laid her hand on his shoulder startling him.

    ???Oh its nothing??? stuttered Zuko.

    ???Don???t do this again Zuko??? replied Jin.

    ???Its nothing I was just thinking about my family,??? replied a saddened Zuko.

    Jin just stared at him as he looked at the ground.

    ???Its just my mother who was driven out of her home to protect me, my uncle who was more like a father to me betrayed by his brother, Azula???s taunting words??? stated Zuko.

    ???Zuko look at me, you need to remember the good times and forget the bad, and your family isn???t gone you have me, and your friends??? said Jin who was trying to cheer Zuko up.

    ???I know,??? replied Zuko.

    ???Come on cheer up, why don???t you come have some breakfast, oh and Sokka and Aang are coming to come visit you today??? said a cheerful Jin as she headed back into the palace.

    ???She treats me like a child sometimes??? Zuko muttered to himself.

    ??

    ???Aang, Aang come on wake up all ready!??? yelled Sokka.

    ???Go away??? muttered a half asleep Aang.

    ???Come on get up, were going to go pay Zu-Zu a visit, now get out of bed and get some cloths on.??? laughed Sokka.

    Aang rubbed his eyes trying to get them in focus, ???How did you even get here???? asked Aang.

    ???I flew,??? laughed Sokka.

    ???Seriously???? asked Aang as he sat up in bed.

    ???What its not like Appa is the only flying bison around, he may be the only pure breed flying bison but these new ones get around just as good??? said Sokka.

    ???Well we better get a move on then if we want to make it to the capitol by nightfall??? said Aang as he sat up in bed.

    ???Well I think i'm going to go give the big guy flying guy a visit, hurry up and get ready,??? said Sokka as he headed down stairs.

    Aang removed the covers over him and walked outside onto the small porch attached to his room. He looked into the clear skies and ocean smashing into the small island his temple sat upon. He kept running through what happened the day he entered that cave as he stared blankly into the morning sun.

    ???Hurry up Aang!??? yelled Sokka from down below.

    Aang threw some cloths on and headed downstairs.

    ??

    ???Appa yip-yip!??? yelled Aang. Appa left the temple and headed west towards the fire nation. Aangs temple was conviently located in the middle of all the nations making it easy for him to get around.

    ??

    That night Appa entered the outskirts of the fire nation capitol. It was a volcanic land with no life at all. Aang looked down at the lava spewing out of the hills and running into the land. Just remembering the horrors, which took place down their seven years ago, and how he almost lost Katara that day.

    ???There, the city??? said Sokka as he pointed to the capitol. The Fire nation capitol was placed in the center of the volcanic land. They saw the large black walls protecting the city from enemies. In a way the capitol worked like Ba Sing Se, with a lower, middle, and upper ring. They flew over top the city as they watched people from down below point and wave, while others showed there sour faces in disgust seeing the Avatar return to the place he almost once destroyed. Aang could see the palace now. It was a place of great beauty. The gardens, which graced around it, were quite a sight to be seen. Down below fire nation soldiers were getting ready to give Aang and Sokka a royal greeting. The soldiers stood in there lines as Aang, Sokka and Appa walked down the royal entrance where Fire lord Azulon???s funeral took place. and where Zuko was crowded Fire lord. General Zheng approached the two.

    ???Avatar Aang, General Sokka??? greeted Zheng as he gave a polite boa to the two.

    Aang and Sokka returned the boa as the three headed into the palace.

    ??

    Zheng lead the two to the Fire lords throne room where Zuko sat behind in his chair behind the large flames.

    ???Zu-Zu long time no see!??? greeted a happy Sokka.

    ???What did I tell you about calling me that??? replied an angry Zuko as he sent a shot of fire at Sokka, which just missed his toe.

    ???That???s not funny,??? said Sokka.

    Zuko removed the flames surrounding him with a wave of his hand.

    ???How are the lightning drills I gave you going Aang???? said Zuko.

    ???There going good??? replied Aang.

    ???Well will see later then how good they really are. Now come on I hate being cooped up in this room lets go to the garden??? said Zuko as he began to exit the throne room.

    ??

    The three sat outside in the garden that night after enjoying a good cooked meal.

    ???Oh I???m stuffed,??? said a bloated Sokka.

    ???You can say that again,??? said Aang as he fiddled with the water from his glass making it fly through the air.

    ???Its getting late maybe you two should just stay in the palace tonight???? asked Zuko.

    Sokka ad Aang looked at each other for a moment before Sokka said, ???I suppose we could???.

    ???Great those men over there will show you to your rooms because I am going to bed now??? said Zuko as he yawned.

    ???It???s now even that late!??? said Sokka.

    ???Maybe its could to get a good nights sleep I am tired??? said Aang.

    ???Fine??? said Sokka as he rolled his eyes.

    ??

    Zuko awoke suddenly after he heard something heavy drop. He looked to his right and Jin was still fast asleep. Zuko got out of bed and put a bathrobe on. He opened the door to his room slowly as it sqweked open. Zuko slowly walked down the hallway when he saw something shocking.

    ???Zhu!??? yelled Zuko.

    The royal guard was unconscious and beaten up pretty badly.

    ???My lord he getting away??? muttered Zhu.

    Zuko gently put the soldier down and began to run down the hall.

    Zuko turned right and ran right into a shady figure, which stood a few meters away.

    ???Get on the ground!??? demanded Zuko.

    Who ever it was began to walk then run towards Zuko getting ready to attack him.

    Zuko began to move his arms as he sent a shot of lighting out from the tip of his two fingers. When the smoke cleared the shady figure had disappeared. Zuko just stood there for a moment wondering who just attempted to attack him.??

    ??

    Chapter 7 coming soon

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  • Avatar of Tv-man117

    Tv-man117

    [36]Nov 18, 2006
    • member since: 10/09/06
    • level: 4
    • rank: Thighmaster
    • posts: 102

    The next chapter will come out whenever all this Zutara stuff calms down.

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  • Avatar of Lord-darkboy

    Lord-darkboy

    [37]Nov 19, 2006
    • member since: 10/11/06
    • level: 10
    • rank: Holy Level 10!
    • posts: 1,237
    nice story as useal i really liked it
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  • Avatar of K4A5T6A5A4N6G

    K4A5T6A5A4N6G

    [38]Nov 19, 2006
    • member since: 09/23/06
    • level: 6
    • rank: Small Wonder
    • posts: 333
    interesting but the darker but is interesting but more darker this??is a good fanfic better than other ones in fanfiction.??
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  • Avatar of Tv-man117

    Tv-man117

    [39]Nov 19, 2006
    • member since: 10/09/06
    • level: 4
    • rank: Thighmaster
    • posts: 102

    Here is chapter 7. Please leave your comments, questions??and advice it is greatly appreciated.

    Book 5: Shadow???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Chapter 7: Shocking discoveries

    Sokka rushed to Aang's door and began to slam his fist on the door.

    ???Aang, Aang, open up!??? yelled Sokka.

    Aang crawled out of bed and opened the door.

    ???What is it???? asked a drowsy Aang.

    ???There was a break in within the palace last night??? said Sokka.

    ???What, is every one ok???? asked Aang who was now wide-awake.

    ???No, one of the guards was hurt pretty bad, he???s in critical condition right now,??? replied Sokka who shot up with hope.

    ???Well he???s going to be ok right,??? said Aang.

    Sokka stared at the floor for a moment and stayed silent.

    ???Oh I see,??? replied Aang.

    ???Look, I bet this guy left some trace of evidence around we should look around,??? said Sokka.

    ???Alright just let me get changed quick and all be right out,??? said Aang.

    ??

    The two first checked the scene where Zhu had been attacked.

    ???Nothing here??? said Sokka as he inspected the area.

    ???Hey I bet he had to break a lock to get in here maybe we can find it,??? said Aang.

    Aang and Sokka checked almost every door and window and found nothing.

    ???This is pointless,??? said a frustrated Sokka.

    ???This guy must have been really good at getting into places, I have never seen anything like this before??? said Aang.

    ???I bet that who ever it broke into the palace use to be part of the Dai Li, or one of Ozai???s followers and is now one of those blasted renegades??? stated Sokka.

    ???Well maybe I just don???t know,??? said Aang.

    ???What if it was an inside job???? asked Sokka.

    ???Sokka you really think one of Zuko???s loyal soldiers would do that??? replied Aang.

    ???How would I know maybe we should ask the Fire Lord??? said Sokka.

    ??

    When Sokka and Aang entered the throne room Zuko was sitting up in his chair rubbing his forehead.

    ???Huh, oh Aang, Sokka what are you two doing here???? asked Zuko.

    ???Well we have reason to think this may have been a possible inside job,??? said Sokka.

    ???What did you just say, I just had to break the news to that man???s family and you dare accuse one of my most trusted men!??? yelled Zuko, the flames in front of him beginning to rapidly increase in size.

    ???Zuko calm down we just want to find the guy who did this??? said Aang.

    ???I saw that man with my two eyes and he was no fire bender, earth bender or any other person from a nation??? stated Zuko.

    ???Well what did you see???? asked Aang.

    Zuko paused for a moment before answering, ???He wore black cloths, similar to an air benders robes I suppose I don???t know the exact fashion of your people, and he wore black gloves and shiny black boots??? said Zuko.

    ???Well what about his face what did he look like??? asked Sokka.

    ???He had no face, well he had the structure of some ones face but no eyes, no mouth??? replied Zuko.

    ???He must have been wearing a mask,??? Sokka muttered to himself.

    Aang sat there puzzled for a few minutes before rushing out the door.

    ???Where???s he going, Aang!??? yelled Sokka.

    ???I???ll see you in Ba Sing Se in a few days at the meeting!??? yelled Aang as he rushed down the hall and towards Appa.

    ??

    That morning Katara was still in Omashu and decided to go pay Toph a visit. She knocked on the side door of the earth-bending academy.

    ???Katara I thought you were leaving for Ba Sing Se??? said Toph.

    ???Nope I have one more day here, so I thought me and you could do something???? asked Katara

    ???You want to go down to the market???? said Toph.

    ???Sure??? replied Katara.

    Toph went back inside briefly to grab her bag and the two girls were off.

    The market was busy that morning, people had to push there way through just to get to a store they like.

    ???Wow look at that bag Toph??? said an excited Katara.

    Toph just stared at Katara for a moment with an angry expression.

    ???I can???t believe I still do that,??? laughed Katara.

    ???Well go buy it then??? said Toph.

    Katara paid for the bag and was examining it when some man grabbed it from her.

    ???Hey!??? yelled Katara.

    Katara looked to her side when she realized she had forgotten her small vase of water at Toph's home.

    ???Oh no I was filling it up and I left it in your kitchen??? said Katara.

    ???Don???t worry all just hit him with a big chunk of rock??? said a battle ready Toph.

    ???No there are too many people around someone might get hurt,??? said Katara.

    The man was getting away when a scruffy looking man tackled him.

    ???You shouldn???t be stealing ladies pursues??? said Ruan as he snatched Katara???s bag away from the dazed thief.

    ???I think this is yours,??? said Ruan. Ruan was a twenty one year old scruffy looking man. His brown hair was messy and he looked like he wasn???t from the upper class of Ba Sing Se.

    ???Thanks??? said Katara as she blushed.

    ???No problem, see you around??? said Ruan as he gave a wink to Katara and walked away.

    Katara laughed like a little schoolgirl.

    ???Katara, looks like you have a little crush on that guy??? said Toph.

    ???No I don???t??? said Katara.

    ???You forget I can tell if you???re lying,??? laughed Toph.

    ???Lets just finish our shopping,??? said Katara.

    ???What ever you say,??? laughed Toph.

    ??

    Appa flew through the skies over the ocean late that afternoon. He could see the coastline of the Earth kingdom and where the village was located. The fog was gone that day and when Aang came to the village he was shocked. Nothing the village was gone. A puzzled Aang headed over to the Shadow pass, it was gone too.

    ???What is going on???? Aang muttered to himself. Everything was gone almost like nothing was ever there. Aang jumped back on Appa and headed south to visit an old friend and teacher.

    Edited on 12/11/2006 8:40pm
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  • Avatar of Tv-man117

    Tv-man117

    [40]Nov 21, 2006
    • member since: 10/09/06
    • level: 4
    • rank: Thighmaster
    • posts: 102

    Here is chapter 8. Please leave your comments, questions??and advice??it is??greatly appreciated.

    Book 5: Shadow?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Chapter 8: A Place In My Dreams

    The next morning Aang came to his destination. The southern air temple. The temple was beautiful in the night, with warm orange lights shining out from all the windows, which made it quite the place to be. Appa landed near the bison stables where a young monk greeted Aang.

    ???Avatar Aang??? greeted the monk with a polite boa.

    ???Where is Guru Pathik???? asked Aang.

    ???Ah master Pathik is in his corridors at this time of night??? replied the monk.

    ???Take my bison into the stables he needs to rest??? ordered Aang.

    ???Of course??? said the monk, but Aang didn???t hear him account he was all ready running up the front steps of the temple. Aang rushed through the corridors and up the stairs almost knocking down a few hundred-year-old monks passing by. Aang got to the top of the temple a few minutes later where Pathik was.

    ???Guru Pathik open up!??? yelled Aang as he pounded on the door.

    The large wooden creaked open as the elderly man pushed it open.

    ???Aang what are you doing here at this time of night???? asked Pathik.

    ???I need to come in, I have to talk to you about something??? said Aang as he let himself in.

    ???Ok then??? said Pathik.

    Aang entered the room and dropped to his knees.

    ???Something is happening to me,??? moaned Aang.

    ???I don???t understand you will need to make it more clear??? said a serious Pathik.

    ???Ever since I went to that cursed cave all of a sudden I will just black and wake up some where not remembering what just happened???? said Aang.

    Pathik was in a deep thought for a moment thinking about something.

    ???You taught me how to control my avatar state, cant you help me with this???? groaned Aang.

    ???Aang I do not know what is happening to you, if it even is anything??? said Pathik.

    ???The cave I went into when I went back, it was gone??? said Aang.

    ???Maybe your avatar state is causing this, and if it is you need to regain your focus and contain it,??? suggested Pathik.

    Aang got up from his knees and asked ???How????

    ???The same way as last time, with calm breathing and peace, also known as deep meditation??? said Pathik.

    ???Alright??? said a calmed down Aang

    The two sat down and closed their eyes and began to enter a deep meditation.

    ??

    Aang began run through the jungle knocking into trees and falling to the ground. He came out of the jungle emerging into the volcanic land outside the fire nation capitol.

    Zuko was lying on the ground beaten badly.

    ???Zuko!??? yelled Aang as he ran towards him.

    But it all went away when everything faded to black. Aang stood in pitch black when a turtle bumped into him. Aang looked down at the turtle as it looked at him. The turtle began to amazingly run at fast speeds across the void. Aang began to chase it, as it seemed to be leading him somewhere. As Aang ran across the empty void a phoenix and dragon zoomed overhead following the turtle. As soon as they passed a Qilin appeared running side by side with him. Aang began to loose his breath as the four animals shot off into the distance. He dropped to the ground, as he was exhausted. When Aang raised his head he was in a jungle. A ray if light shot through the trees and onto a small shrine with four statues of a turtle, phoenix, dragon, and qilin surrounding it. Aang began to approach the shrine when suddenly he was back in Guru Pathik's room.

    ???Aang time to go??? said Pathik.

    ???How long was I like that for???? asked Aang as he rubbed his eyes.

    ???All night its morning and its time to go??? replied Pathik.

    ???That???s right Ba Sing Se I forgot??? said Aang as he got up.

    ???Come, Monk Fujin has just put out some fresh fruit pies, maybe we can sneak one,??? laughed an excited Pathik.

    Aang???s stomach groaned as he followed the old Guru out the door as they went for some breakfast, and then were off to Ba Sing Se.

    ??

    Katara said her good byes to Toph that morning and was getting ready to cross the earth kingdom. She was stopped when Ruan came by.

    ???So where you off to so soon beautiful???? asked Ruan.

    ???Oh well, im representing the southern water tribe in front of the worlds leaders,??? said an embarrassed Katara.

    ???Oh I see, so what your some kind of stuck up politician,??? teased Ruan.

    ???No, but some one has to do it, and what???s so special what do you do for a living??? replied Katara.

    ???Me, you know odd job???s just stuff I suppose,??? replied Ruan.

    ???Oh so your like a mercenary then??? said Katara.

    ???I guess you could call it that, but im not like most of them??? said Ruan

    ???Right??? said Katara as she rolled her eyes.

    ???Hey you know if you have room, would you mind if I tagged along to Ba Sing Se, Omashu is a drag,??? laughed Ruan.

    ???Well sorry to disappoint you but Ba Sing Se isn???t much different, but sure I suppose there???s room left??? said Katara.

    Ruan hopped aboard and they left for the big city.

    ??

    Zhuang and Long Feng walked downstairs to the basement of the small building located between the outer and inner wall of Ba Sing Se.

    ???So what is this you wish to show me???? asked Long Feng.

    ???First we need to talk Long Feng, you need to know that I am running the show here your number two because when you have been locked up for the last seven years I have been running this army??? said Zhuang, the former fire nation general who followed Fire Lord Ozai.

    ???I understand,??? said Long Feng who did not look pleased.

    ???Luoyang bring it over here!??? commanded Zhuang.

    Luoyang ran over carrying a small black ball which could sit in some ones palm.

    Zhuang pulled a small vase of black powder from his cloak and poured the powder into the ball.

    ???I don???t see the point of this,??? said Long Feng.

    ???Patience, now watch??? replied Zhuang. He took the small ball and placed on the ground. He raised his index finger and lit a flame from his finger. He used the small flame to light the ball blowing it up creating a small explosion like a firecracker.

    ???You are wasting my time,??? said Long Feng.

    ???Ah this is why you do not run this legion of men, come??? commanded Zhuang.

    The two men walked a few feet and two a railing, which went overhead where men were working. Renegade soldiers will filling up huge bombs like the one Zhuang just blew up.

    ???Now imagine the fire power of these,??? laughed Zhuang.

    ???Impressive, but what do you purpose to do with them???? asked Long Feng.

    ???Three days from now the kings, monks, lords, and generals meet in the Ba Sing Se palace in three days. We could end this war with one fatal blow,??? laughed Zhuang.

    ???It is a could plan but it has one flaw??? said Long Feng.

    ???Yes and what would that be???? asked Zhuang.

    ???How do you plan on moving four hundred???s of pounds bombs across the city into the center.

    ???Well uh??? stuttered Zhuang.

    ???Sir my I suggest something???? asked Luoyang

    ???Say it then soldier??? said Long Feng.

    Luoyang grabbed a large scroll and unraveled it across the table; it was a map of Ba sing Se.

    ???Long Feng sir since you have been gone the public trains have seen much improvement??? said Luoyang.

    ???I like where this is going soldier continue,??? said Long Feng.

    ???Well the trains now run into four stations within the palace, this could allow us to get the bombs within the palace easily,??? stated Luoyang as he used his finger to show the routes of the trains.

    Long Feng scratched his chin as he grinned an evil smile.

    ??

    Chapter 9: A Meeting Of Two Friends -??Wednesday

    Chapter 10: Runaway Locomotive - Sunday

    Edited on 11/29/2006 10:51am
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