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Avatar RPG*: Create your own Bender

  • Avatar of Double09nhalf

    Double09nhalf

    [8881]Feb 6, 2009
    • member since: 11/14/07
    • level: 10
    • rank: Holy Level 10!
    • posts: 583

    Dafoose wrote:
    Ok I'm doing it right now. Hold on a second, editing will be done shortly.

    I sent you a reply with more details. Hope you like it

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  • Avatar of Dafoose

    Dafoose

    [8882]Feb 6, 2009
    • member since: 10/27/07
    • level: 19
    • rank: Fall Guy
    • posts: 1,591
    Ok, I approve with the extension that I will see what happens. ^_^
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  • Avatar of ThatLostGuy

    ThatLostGuy

    [8883]Feb 7, 2009
    • member since: 08/23/06
    • level: 11
    • rank: Red Shirted Lt.
    • posts: 2,484
    Double09nhalf wrote:

    Dafoose wrote:
    ThatLostGuy wrote:
    Brewster Biff's the name fellas, don't wear it out He's supposed to be immitating like a detective from the 60's with a pipe and hat and whatnot. That's his role. (i.e The Library Cop from Seinfeld)
    OMG...did you just read what he wrote?... R.I.P. Biff...you'll meet the same sticky end as your inbred cousing willy. HA! Sorry...jokes....just came to mind...I....couldn't stop it... I guess I'm just...speaking the language of the deal...

    joke stealer

    blah blah blah blah blah

    ALL TALK NO GAME

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  • Avatar of Double09nhalf

    Double09nhalf

    [8884]Feb 7, 2009
    • member since: 11/14/07
    • level: 10
    • rank: Holy Level 10!
    • posts: 583

    Dude post more often so you can even talk about game.

    Your once-a-month track record speaks of the pot calling the kettle black.

    Metaphorically of course

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  • Avatar of confucioussayhi

    confucioussayhi

    [8885]Feb 7, 2009
    • member since: 11/23/06
    • level: 15
    • rank: Ginsu Knife
    • posts: 6,908
    ThatLostGuy wrote:
    Brewster Biff's the name fellas, don't wear it out

    He's supposed to be immitating like a detective from the 60's with a pipe and hat and whatnot. That's his role. (i.e The Library Cop from Seinfeld)
    The 60's?!?

    THIS IS AVATAR!!!!

    Seriously, for ****'s almightly sake, give him an Avatar name, you stupid asscrack!

    *expletives*
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  • Avatar of Double09nhalf

    Double09nhalf

    [8886]Feb 7, 2009
    • member since: 11/14/07
    • level: 10
    • rank: Holy Level 10!
    • posts: 583

    You want game? I'll give you game

    (perform's Omnislash) pure pownage

    Anywho here a long one. Hope you like it

    I really hope you read more though...

    /////////////////

    siam- airbender

    Mrs. Yoji- earthbender

    Chiyo- waterbender

    Iwao- For me to know and you to find out later

    ~~Currently at Mrs. Yoji's house~~

    //////////////////

    "Who are you?"

    "Didn't my mother tell you? I'm her son Iwao."

    Siam stared at the boy who had just rescued her from falling down four stairs. He had blond hair with brown eyes and wore an orange tunic. The two characteristics that stuck out the most was his very small nose and that fact that all his limbs were wrapped in gauze.

    "And you are Ms.?"

    Siam shook her head out of embarrassment for staring.

    "Siam, my name is Siam. And do you have an older brother? I was told that he was having his twenty-fifth birthday today."

    "Actually, I am an only child. And it's really my birthday but I really don't see the point in all seriousness. I re..."

    A sudden clash of metallic objects roared from the kitchen. With dark curses on her lips Mrs. Yoji entered the dining room with her hair decorated with an assortment of edible items. But as she saw her son and Siam standing on the stairs her malicious scowl turned on its head.

    "Iwao dear," Mrs. Yoji said in the sweetest tone. "Dinner is going to take a little longer. Ah Siam, why don't you take Iwao for a ride with your glider? I know that he would like it and I would be very grateful."

    "I'm n," Siam started to say but she saw Mrs. Yoji's smile start to falter. "I would be delighted to. That is if Iwao is willing."

    As Siam looked toward Iwao she saw that he was hanging his head. For a second Siam thought she saw a tear running down his face but then he lifted his head showing off her pearly whites with a full grin.

    "Sure mother, I would like too. We'll be back in an hour."

    As another resounding clash came from the kitchen, Mrs. Yoji bit her lip.

    "Better make it two hours... and please ask Chiyo to come assist me. I can't find my wisk."

    As the two left the dining room they could hear more cursing coming from the kitchen. Siam walked down the lit corridor smelling the awkwardness floating in the air and decided to pick up their conversation again.

    "You are really twenty-five?"

    "So my mother tells me," Iwao replied glumly. "Meh, I could care less actually."

    "Are you saying you hate birthdays?"

    Iwao did not reply as he stepped outside. As Siam approached him, she saw ominous clouds forming in the sky reflecting dull light onto the grass.

    "... It is not that I hate them. I don't see the point really. But enough about my preferences, let's see this glider of yours. But it's really up to you."

    The glider represented Siam terrible past but it also shared a bounty of memories that she always cherished. It took her only five seconds to come to her conclusion.

    "Actually, I would love too. I just have to find my staff. It should be with my other belongings. Where is my stuff?"

    After finally finding her luggage and retrieving the staff Siam walked to the foot of the nearest hill with Iwao in tow.

    "In order to do this right we would need a cliff. But this place is the land of endless grass so we will have to make do with this hill. Now when I start running I want you to keep pace. At the last second I will unfurl my glider and I want you jump on top. I will have it sideways so it will be easier."

    Siam had said so much so fast that Iwao just stood there looking dumbfounded.

    "Wait, wait. What am I supposed to do again?"

    "Just follow me and jump on when I say so."

    "Ya sure. Why didn't you just say that in the first place?"

    Siam was about to retort but she felt a strong breeze and decided it was time.

    "Okay, GO!"

    The two of them started sprinting toward the top of the little hill. Just before reaching the top Siam took her staff and twirled it through the air to unfold it. She then held it in the ready position perpendicular to the ground.

    "Ready? Jump!"

    At first Siam had wanted to scare Iwao by increasing her speed while diving but then she realized that he was actually weighing them down so much that she wouldn't be able to pull up.

    "Um, this is your captain speak. We are going to have some problems with our flight plan and then explode."

    Iwao started looking confused. "What?"

    "Whatever you carrying it is too heavy and I won't be able to pull up in time. So unless you like your actual face being carved into the ground below, I suggest you lose some weight!"

    Siam heard Iwao grumble and then sigh as she felt the glider being released from the weight. As she pulled up from the ground she saw two objects smash into the ground.

    "What on earth did you drop?"

    "It was nothing... they just help me to walk."

    "Your legs are disabled?"

    "Something like that. Anyway let's get back to flying."

    For the next hour Siam showed Iwao all the tricks. She did barrel rolls and loops. When she realized that nothing could shake him off or up she mixed her moves. After deciding to call it a day Siam did a complete nose dive only to pull up at the third to last second. Using the momentum Iwao released his grip and plunged into the earth only to pop up a second later.

    "Humph, is that all."

    Siam walked over to Iwao and started fixing his air head. "I heard you laughing and enjoying the ride."

    Clearly defeated Iwao raised his hands in defeat but backed away from her to straighten his own hair.

    "So Siam, what do you want to do now? We still have a little bit of time left and I have a really cool place I want to show you."

    "Hmmm oh! I must see Kempa first. He's been injured and um uh... That really short lady..."

    "Grandma Chiyo?"

    "Yes, that is the one. She said that she was going to heal him. I hope he is all right. Wait, did you just call her grandma?"

    Iwao started to laugh. "She really isn't my grandma but with all she does for me..."

    Siam started walking around the house on the stone path that wrapped around it. It took her several seconds to realize that Kempa was all ready gone and that she had no idea where to go.

    "So do you know where Kempa might be?"

    "I don't know. What kind of injury does he have?"

    Siam pondered a bit to remember all Kempa's injuries.

    "Well, he bruised all over and I think he hurt his big black nose."

    Iwao looked stupefied at Siam. "He got a black nose."

    "Oh yeah. And all his fur got blown off."

    "F-fur. Your boyfriend has fur?"

    "What? No! Boyfriend? He's my flying-bison!"

    "Oh, your flying bison. You made it sound like he was your uh, you know. Anyway, he might be in the specimen lab... I think."

    "What! Specimen lab? Why would he be there?!?"

    "It's really not what it sounds like. It's just where my mom keeps all her pets. She makes the weirdest things out of their stools."

    Siam followed Iwao around the house until they came upon a huge opening that looked like a cave. Just as they entered the mouth of the cave the wind started to howl like crazy and torrents of rain started soaking the earth. Both Iwao and Siam stared at the rain for a second.

    "It's a good thing we made it inside when it started," commented Siam.

    She looked toward Iwao but saw him peering into the rain. She tried to follow his gaze but didn't see anything.

    "Iwao, what is it?"

    The boy turned and shrugged his shoulders. "Oh, It's nothing. Common... Let's go see your bison."

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Meanwhile, a couple miles away, a lone figure stood. The girls long black hair was tangled from neglect and her eyes were faded. She walked midair on footprints of ice from the water that filled the sky. In her hands she held a necklace with a small unfinished crystal, glowing for a mysterious reason. She started laughing as she placed the necklace back around her neck.

    "Brother? Brother?"

    A bulge started forming in the earth. The cancerous bubble grew bigger and bigger until it formed a morbid looking skull. The jaw part suddenly sank into the earth and a sickly-looking pale hand reached out. Wrapped around the wrist was an identical unfinished crystal.

    "Soon sister. Soon."

    //////////////////

    Itsa gonna getta hot

    Edited on 02/08/2009 9:43pm
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  • Avatar of Eman5805

    Eman5805

    [8887]Feb 7, 2009
    • member since: 11/05/04
    • level: 14
    • rank: Autobot
    • posts: 5,943
    confucioussayhi wrote:
    ThatLostGuy wrote:
    Brewster Biff's the name fellas, don't wear it out

    He's supposed to be immitating like a detective from the 60's with a pipe and hat and whatnot. That's his role. (i.e The Library Cop from Seinfeld)
    The 60's?!?

    THIS IS AVATAR!!!!

    Seriously, for ****'s almightly sake, give him an Avatar name, you stupid asscrack!

    *expletives*


    Does he mean the 1860s? Pipe and hat? That's some Sherlock Holmes stuff...
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  • Avatar of Double09nhalf

    Double09nhalf

    [8888]Feb 7, 2009
    • member since: 11/14/07
    • level: 10
    • rank: Holy Level 10!
    • posts: 583

    Eman5805 wrote:
    confucioussayhi wrote:
    ThatLostGuy wrote:
    Brewster Biff's the name fellas, don't wear it out He's supposed to be immitating like a detective from the 60's with a pipe and hat and whatnot. That's his role. (i.e The Library Cop from Seinfeld)
    The 60's?!? THIS IS AVATAR!!!! Seriously, for ****'s almightly sake, give him an Avatar name, you stupid asscrack! *expletives*
    Does he mean the 1860s? Pipe and hat? That's some Sherlock Holmes stuff...

    Hey, don't insult Sherlock Holmes

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  • Avatar of AlbusRoseSco

    AlbusRoseSco

    [8889]Feb 8, 2009
    • member since: 02/09/09
    • level: 1
    • rank: Weatherman
    • posts: 4

    I have a character.

    Name: Riome

    Age: 20

    Hair: Brown. Kinda like Chibi Season 3 Zuko's hair.

    Eyes: Green.

    Bending: Earth

    Description: Short, Skinny, Pale.

    Personality: Lonely, Pities others, Kind, Helpful

    History: Raised in an Earth Kingdom village called Or-ah, where there was a market, which his father owned, his family was rich from the sales. After the Fire Nation attacked the village when he was almost fifteen, he and his little 5-year old brother Yaang fled to Ba-Sing-Sei, where he was trained by the Dai Lee for 5 years, and was too afraid to back out. When the Fire Nation took over Ba-Sing-Sei Riome's brother was killed by General Lyak of the Fire Nation. And Riome betrayed the Dai Lee, ran away, and vowed to venge his brother, travelling around the earth kingdom for two months, trying to find that General, and his parents.

    Edited on 02/09/2009 7:34am
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  • Avatar of Dafoose

    Dafoose

    [8890]Feb 8, 2009
    • member since: 10/27/07
    • level: 19
    • rank: Fall Guy
    • posts: 1,591
    AlbusRoseSco wrote:

    I have a character.

    Name: Katana

    Age: 8

    Hair: Brown. Kinda like Chibi Season 3 Zuko's hair.

    Eyes: Green.

    Bending: Earth

    Description: Short, Skinny, Pale.

    History: Raised in an Earth Kingdom village called Or-ah. After the Fire Nation attacked the village, he and his brother Yaang fled to Ba-Sing-Sei, where he was trained by the Dai Lee. When the Fire Nation took over Katana's brother was killed. And Katana vowed to venge his brother.

    Wait...so he is being trained by the Dai Li right? Is he still eight years old seeking revenge?

    I just need to know these things before I approve your character. XD

    Edited on 02/08/2009 12:19pm
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  • Avatar of Eman5805

    Eman5805

    [8891]Feb 8, 2009
    • member since: 11/05/04
    • level: 14
    • rank: Autobot
    • posts: 5,943
    8 years old?

    Who was that character that was like 11 way, way back when?
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  • Avatar of confucioussayhi

    confucioussayhi

    [8892]Feb 8, 2009
    • member since: 11/23/06
    • level: 15
    • rank: Ginsu Knife
    • posts: 6,908
    My professional opinion: No.

    He can't be 8 years old. We should have an age limit of 17 or 18 in this thing. He especially can't be 8 if he has revenge ambitions. And the Dia Li would not train him at that age. Sorry, he can't be so young.

    His name is much too generic. He's named after a type of sword. One that half of our rpers used to use.

    The history should be more detailed. Did anyone specific kill his brother? Does he just want to kill anyone wearing a fire nation insignia? Is he an accomplished Dai Li? How old was his brother and how long ago was he killed? When was their village attacked? The history has to have a good bit of detail. You could also add a personality section, to describe his moods or what his demeanor is.

    Don't take this the wrong way, we're all happy to have new blood, it's just we need a detailed and mature character.
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  • Avatar of Double09nhalf

    Double09nhalf

    [8893]Feb 8, 2009
    • member since: 11/14/07
    • level: 10
    • rank: Holy Level 10!
    • posts: 583

    ooh look a new rper

    Could somebody please comment though. Not to sound rude or TLGish but my engine runs and is modified (more or less) on comments.

    So um please comment

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  • Avatar of Dafoose

    Dafoose

    [8894]Feb 8, 2009
    • member since: 10/27/07
    • level: 19
    • rank: Fall Guy
    • posts: 1,591
    With that said, I suggest you create a new character albus rose, open to your interpretation of what confucius just said.
    Double09: First: Gramatically speaking, "too" means "also" and "to" is a word used to direct the meaning of a sentence. "I would like to too." remember that sentence, and you will know when and when not to use either one.

    Second of all, i kind of got confused when reading, beause I didn't know who was talking during dialogue. XD Sorry 'bout that.

    I liked the glider scene, and I'm admiring the plot so far. Definetly what you said in the pms is promising material.
    Gud gud gud.
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  • Avatar of Double09nhalf

    Double09nhalf

    [8895]Feb 8, 2009
    • member since: 11/14/07
    • level: 10
    • rank: Holy Level 10!
    • posts: 583

    Dafoose wrote:
    With that said, I suggest you create a new character albus rose, open to your interpretation of what confucius just said. Double09: First: Gramatically speaking, "too" means "also" and "to" is a word used to direct the meaning of a sentence. "I would like to too." remember that sentence, and you will know when and when not to use either one. Second of all, i kind of got confused when reading, beause I didn't know who was talking during dialogue. XD Sorry 'bout that. I liked the glider scene, and I'm admiring the plot so far. Definetly what you said in the pms is promising material. Gud gud gud.

    Rrrrg philistine okay its fixed.

    Happy?

    anywho the character pretty much take turns if there is only two people. Plus if a person starts off the conversation then i make them say the name of the person that they are talking to.

    Lastly please note the subtle hints that i drop about Iwao's ailment.

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  • Avatar of confucioussayhi

    confucioussayhi

    [8896]Feb 9, 2009
    • member since: 11/23/06
    • level: 15
    • rank: Ginsu Knife
    • posts: 6,908
    Is he a leper?

    ...*cough* *shifty eyes*

    I'll post something today...
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  • Avatar of AlbusRoseSco

    AlbusRoseSco

    [8897]Feb 9, 2009
    • member since: 02/09/09
    • level: 1
    • rank: Weatherman
    • posts: 4
    Fixed it like confucioussayhi told me
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  • Avatar of Dafoose

    Dafoose

    [8898]Feb 9, 2009
    • member since: 10/27/07
    • level: 19
    • rank: Fall Guy
    • posts: 1,591
    AlbusRoseSco wrote:

    I have a character.

    Name: Riome

    Age: 20

    Hair: Brown. Kinda like Chibi Season 3 Zuko's hair.

    Eyes: Green.

    Bending: Earth

    Description: Short, Skinny, Pale.

    Personality: Lonely, Pities others, Kind, Helpful

    History: Raised in an Earth Kingdom village called Or-ah, where there was a market, which his father owned, his family was rich from the sales. After the Fire Nation attacked the village when he was almost fifteen, he and his little 5-year old brother Yaang fled to Ba-Sing-Sei, where he was trained by the Dai Lee for 5 years, and was too afraid to back out. When the Fire Nation took over Ba-Sing-Sei Riome's brother was killed by General Lyak of the Fire Nation. And Riome betrayed the Dai Lee, ran away, and vowed to venge his brother, travelling around the earth kingdom for two months, trying to find that General, and his parents.


    Hmm...
    Ok, it sounds good, except for the 5 year old brother part...
    Maybe if his brother was twelve at the time, the thought of him being trained by the Dai Li would be more realistic.

    Other than that, your story is GTG in my opinion.

    You also have poor rhetoric and sentence structure in your writing, but that's ok, because it is something that will improve over time.
    Welcome aboard.
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  • Avatar of confucioussayhi

    confucioussayhi

    [8899]Feb 9, 2009
    • member since: 11/23/06
    • level: 15
    • rank: Ginsu Knife
    • posts: 6,908
    *steps in once again* It's fine, his little brother wasn't in the Dai Li. And his brother would have been ten by the time he was killed. Makes sense. Nicely done.

    Except for what Daf said. If you can understand him, which I can't. ..-_-

    I hope you know the post structure from reading Nein's(Double09nhalf) post. I hate explaining it. It take ages to write up the template.
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  • Avatar of Double09nhalf

    Double09nhalf

    [8900]Feb 9, 2009
    • member since: 11/14/07
    • level: 10
    • rank: Holy Level 10!
    • posts: 583

    confucioussayhi wrote:
    *steps in once again* It's fine, his little brother wasn't in the Dai Li. And his brother would have been ten by the time he was killed. Makes sense. Nicely done. Except for what Daf said. If you can understand him, which I can't. ..-_- I hope you know the post structure from reading Nein's(Double09nhalf) post. I hate explaining it. It take ages to write up the template.

    Well it is a good thing everybody is lazy

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