Van Tsu-Yan (Qiang/Spear wielder)
______________________________________

Opting to slip into anonymity amongst the millions in Ba Sing Se, but short on passports or money, Van stows away on cargo ship from Full Moon Bay. While he tries to make sense of what happened back in the desert, his unauthorized presence on the ship could be compromised...
_______________________________________

"Hey! Someone's down here! Don't move!" a guard shouted as he stomped down the steps into the cargo hold another guard with a lantern was on his heels.

Damn, damn, damn. Van reached for his spear, knowing that he had virtually no advantage in this confined space with all these crates and a low ceiling. How was he gonna-

A female voice protested, but not with words rather a series of whimpers and cries, as the previously quiet hold was now a mess of thumping, scraping, and quite a bit of cursing. The soldier had gone to the other side of the cargo hold, opposite of Van. The guard was blocked from Van's view behind some crates.

What the...there was someone else in here with me the whole time?

The guard returned with the girl held in front of him. She looked a few years younger than Van and was wearing no more than a tattered tunic that didn't fit her too good. She resisted the bigger crew member, dragging her feet and trying to thrash free of the arm lock. Thrash all she wanted, she'd never get away, but she was giving the man holding her a rough time.

A man Van guess who was either the captain, the capturer's boss, or just a bossy nobody demanded, "There really is a stowaway? How the hell did you let this happen?"

"I didn't let a thing happen, sir. Ow, damnit...she's feisty."

They more or less carried the, still trying to break away, girl up the hold stairs. Just before they disappeared updeck, the suddenly girl stopped her fussing to look back into the hold.

Directly at Van. Stared him straight in his eyes, in fact. But, she didn't make a sound. The light hit her face proper and Van saw she was...quite pretty and her eyes were a light shade of blue. And with a quick crack of moldy wood and screeching of rusty hinges, they were gone. Van waited until the footsteps were completely gone before he let out his held breathe.

She saw him, without a doubt she saw him, but she didn't say anything. And seriously, she was in the hold the entire time? No, that wasn't possible. Van looked all over this hold to see where all the best places to hide were, but he was completely exhausted at the time. He had rode that eel-hound for 3 hours non-stop until the thing up and keeled over and died on him. Xin Mao must not have fed the thing well enough. Luckily it still got him 3 miles from a watering hole and 10 beyond that to Full Moon Bay. Van wasn't in any mood to get run down by any of Xin Mao's thugs if they were indeed hunting him down, so he went a relatively fast clip. He found a good ship and managed to slip inside during final loading.

The girl definitely wasn't inside the hold then. He'd made sure to search the place top and bottom looking for hiding spots before he found one. There wasn't a single mustied up girl, but...the second Van found a good spot and the ship cast off. Van couldn't help but fall into a deep sleep. The girl had to have snuck below deck then.

Okay, so Van figured that out. But, why didn't she turn him in? Being nice? That wouldn't make sense. Van had never seen the girl before. She didn't see Van before that moment? No, that's not it either. She didn't look surprised or confused when she saw him. She looked him dead in the fade and didn't even blink, so she knew she was down there with someone. If she said "There's someone else in here with me!" Van would've been screwed, and she might get off easy since a 14 or whatever year old orphan kid stowing away is sort of small beans to a disgraced, 21 year old, former Earth Kingdom soldier who may or may not have a bounty on his head is something else completely.The kid might've gotten a free pass, a hot meal, and some clean clothes. If she was smart enough, or wile enough to sneak on board a ship like this from updeck somewhere, something Van want to try, she could or could not know that. But, even then, the natural reaction for any person is to not go down alone.

"Hey, I'm caught, but, uh...hey, he's sneaking on too!" If that thought went through the kid's head, she choose not too.

Oh well, another thing Van shouldn't worry about. Just thank good fortune that he wasn't caught and forget about this girl too. She got her own self caught by trying something crazy like sneak in from the upper decks. Wasn't his problem. She was young, she wouldn't go to jail or anything. Since she doesn't have any decent clothes and is obviously traveling alone means she's probably an orphan too.

Poor kid...Van was where he was by choice, but-

No, no, no. Stop it Van, what the hell are you doing? Don't feel sorry for her. It isn't your problem. So what she'll probably get shipped off to some crappy orphanage, then eventually wind up back on the streets alone somewhere. There's thousands of girls like her. Life's cruel sometimes, so why even give a damn? So what?

Van sighed. "Yeah, life's so cruel, but she still didn't turn me in..." he murmured to himself.

The adrenal rush faded, and now Van was tired again. He creeped back over to his sleeping nook and let himself drift off to sleep.

Van awoke to muffled shouting. He wiped the crust from his eyes and inched up the stairs to listen in the commotion updeck.

"How the hell did you let her escape?" one man shouted to another. Sounded like the were 12 feet or so from the port hole into the hold.

A second man, whose voice gave Van a slight indication about how smart-or not smart-the guy was, answered in a whine, "How was I supposed to know she was a bender? It suprised me."

"You idiot! Did you check the hold again?"

"I was about to when you showed up."

Damn, damn, damn. Van turned around, ready to snatch up his spear when...he saw the girl standing right in front of him, and nearly jumped out of his skin. She was just standing there staring at Van. Van's reaction to her threw off his balance and he slipped on one of the steps. He fell hard on his butt.

Great Gaia! She'd snuck back down here again?! How the hell did she move so damn quiet? I never even noticed her...

"You hear that? It came from- Guys, I found her! She's back in the hold!"

"Figures, stupid kid, like we wouldn't search back down there anyway."

Van cursed under his breath as he went for his spear, but the girl held it ou in front of her now. She held Van's spear in front of her with one hand.

Visibility was limited even in the day, light seeping through cracks in the roof were all there was, but through the Pai Sho pattern on her face, Van could see the girl mouth a word, but she didn't speak.

"Fight."

Van started to ask if the girl was crazy in the head, but he didn't have any time to discuss it, because behind Van, the creaky door flung open.

This thread's post count is

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Quite substantial.

Sorry. I couldn't help myself. Read everyone's story. Good job nein, although I have no idea what the crystal thing around the sister's neck was, and I'm hoping it's explained in future posts, which it probably will be.

And Eman, good as ever. Just guessing, is she a waterbender?

Did somebody else post? I can't remember...

Oh. DJ! Duh. Even though I'm done with the volcano story and Dak is dead, try not to invent secret Fire Nation armies that operated on a volcanic island that was already inhabited by anti-Fire Nation zealot Lavabenders who were planning to take over the world.

Pretty please. I doubt they would've lasted longer than it took the Lavabenders to find them.

Um... bump

whatever that means

Ok, I hope you guys like this one as much as the last one. And just a minor note: The unfinished crystals themselves to not make the character's crazy. so enough said...

///////////////

Siam - Airbender

Iwao - earthbender

The brother - eerie earthbender

~~Siam and Iwao have fallen down into a subterranean cave only to face a disfigured man who calls himself "brother"~~

//////////////////

"Welcome to my subterranean lair," the cloaked person spoke with a raspy voice. "I wish that my sister could be here to greet you but she is currently occupied with that woman top side. I do have one favor to ask of you during your stay. Please die..."

Several hands shot out of the floor and hit the cave's ceiling. As they reemerged Siam saw that they had multiplied exponentially. Several of them shot past the girl blocking her escape while the other latched on and dragged her to the caped man sitting on the throne. Siam was about to lash out in disapproval when Iwao slashed the arms with two stone blades extended from his hands.

Siam looked at Iwao confused, "What did you..."

"I won't let you have her you psychopathic monster," interjected Iwao.

The man sitting on his throne immediately stood allowing his draped cloak to fall.

The gruesome sight of his body caused Siam's stomach to roil. "What are you?"

"I am my master's tool," said the man as he held his fingers to the hole in his throat. "I am brother for she is my sister and since your bother some...," brother said motioning toward Iwao, "... you shall die now."

A hundred hands jumped from the ground and flung themselves at Iwao who jumped back in desperation. As he was running backward the boy grabbed onto a stalagmite and used it to swing himself around. As he came around, Iwao launched himself over the hands and landed on the extended arms.

"If anyone is to die, it will be you," shouted Iwao as he dodged several attacks.

The legion of arms started slitting off to meet the boy's attack but Iwao was able to stay ahead of them. At the last moment Iwao flung himself at the disfigured person.

The brother looked at the two blades about to scissor off his head and his eyes showed fear. "No, I don't... just kidding."

Iwao's face went from confused to dazed as a thin rocky blade sprang from the ground at an alarming rate and spun him sideways while cutting off his arm at the shoulder. Three more blades followed the first one and pierced Iwao's remained arm and at the joints to both legs. The boy got helplessly tossed around and then pinned to the ceiling. After that the only Siam heard was a gruesome moan coming from Iwao's body as he hit the floor with the blades still in him.

"Useless but none the less entertaining," laughed the brother hoarsely. "No for you my prize."

Several hands extended toward Siam in order to capture her but she spun her arms in a circle and bended enough air to cause the hands to crash into the ceiling. She prepared herself for another attack only to find two hands grabbing her shoulders and dragging her toward the throne. But just as she reached the disfigured man a block shot up from the ground and cut Siam's bonds. The attack shook the cave causing several stalagmites to come crashing down.

Siam screamed as one of them headed her way. But after it was over she found a slab of rock that had shot out diagonally to protect her. Stepping out of the crevice she saw through the dust someone standing on top of the slab that had protected her.

"Iwao," she screamed in delight.

The boy stood there with two arms and two legs attached with his shirt and pants in tatters. As the dust finally cleared Siam saw that his limbs were made of pure metal.

"You, your...," stuttered Siam.

"No, he didn't do this. I've actually..."

"Hah, ha, ha," bellowed the brother so loud that it hurt his audiences ears. "I have actually heard of this disease. And it seems that your friend is even more dead than even I am. Hmm I wonder... did you know my dear that this disease is actually very contagious. Hah, ha, ha."

Siam started looking pale and turned to face Iwao with shock on her face. "Iwao did you know?"

"I am pretty sure my mother checked ahead of time," pleaded Iwao as he deflected several sneak attacks. "I think the disease doesn't even affect air-benders... I think."

"Hah, ha, ha," bellowed the brother again. "He thinks huh. Somewhere that has got to be a punch line."

The howl of the man's laughter pounded fear into Siam's uncertainty. She wanted the fear to stop but she still couldn't help it. She turned to again to Iwao but found speeding toward the brother.

"If you like that punch line, how about this," the boy shouted as he sprouted new blades from his hands.

This time the brother's fear was real as the disfigured man sent up several walls which Iwao punched through. The boy then tore the last wall with so much ferocity that the ruble sent the brother flying toward his own throne. Seeing the brother crumple, Iwao immediately turned toward Siam.

"Siam, I promise you that no harm is going to come to you. Not by him... or me."

"I, I wish that..."

"Don't dismiss me yet boy. I may not be able to penetrate your metal but I can make you disappear," the brother interrupted as a thousand hands crashed through the floor and carried off Iwao into the distance. Iwao tried to retaliate but the hands wouldn't let go and carried him off for miles. The unfinished crystal burned even brighter than before.

"And again my dear. Come to me."

Several hands came forth to seize the girl but she wouldn't let up and sliced them with air blades.

"Humph, fine then...," the brother commented in an annoyed voice. Raising his left hand the brother extended his crooked fingers. Siam looked confused but then noticed her skin turning pale. Her legs then walked of their own accord toward the gruesome figure.

Siam immediately started to panic. "What did you do to me?"

"Ha, ha. You don't know? Fine then, I will tell you. I've increased the calcium in your body to a level that would be toxic if it stayed that way for a long period of time. But for this period of time it gives me enough material to control your body in any fashion I choose. Now come to me."

Siam's body responded to his call without her permission and came to a halt when she stood in front of him.

The scared girl feared the worst. "What are you going to do to me?"

Before the brother replied several arms enveloped her until everything but her head was cocooned.

"If it's that which your thinking then you're wrong. Why would I rape my... sister." The brother paused to let it sink in then continued. "Especially when I want to free her. Now KILL!"

In her confusion Siam suddenly felt a sharp pain that knocked her unconscious. The brother watched in awe as a wind swept around the girl and several air blades tore the brother's arms to shreds.

The brother looked at the girl with excitement. "Sister, are you awake?"

Around Siam's neck the crystal on her necklace shone brightly. She then stretched and ran her fingers through her dusty hair.

"Yes brother... I AM!"

///////////////

phew, time to go to bed man i'm beat. PLEASE COMMENT GHAAAA

yawning ----->

yeah, I haven't been able to critically analyze the technical aspects of your guys' writing. A bit buzy. Since my professor is having overhead projector difficulties... *Will edit post soon*

Um, I don't know why, but I don't want to be the kind of person who's "Anal" about technical errors. I'd rather stay the same and comment short and sweet like I've always commented.

I only look for technical errors because double09 asks me too. xD

Well, since you guys call me the leader, it's my responsibility to give you the feed back you want and need. I think I've made more comments on fanfics then the time spent writing my own. xD

Ok, your first post 09, not bad. Better as far as paragraphs go, although you could still group more sentences together. You forgot an "S" after "Let" so the dialogue feels weird a bit.

the first story gave me some chills and I like to get goosebumps when i read stories. Great ending scene, awesome.

However, the minerals Yoji uses to "Magnet bend" so to speak are iron silicon dioxide and other stray ore elements such as cobalt and magnetite. All are ores.

MOst of the earth (and I mean over 80 percent) crust is silicon dioxide. Which put simply is granite. and a large percent of all sediments is Limestone.

Bumping means you move a thread to the top. As far as I'm concerned, bumping is unnecessary becuase this thread is one of the only active ones left. xD

And your second story

The man sitting on his throne immediately got up allowing his draped cloak to fall.

It should be "Stood" instead of "Got up." the shorter the better.

...???I'm getting super confused with the story line..siam laughs at the sight of Iwao's suffering? if I'm reading it like this, you might need to reorganize your story better. The disease should be described eariler in the story as more of the characters are introduced, but as you've put it, it still didn't need to be identified.

Go with a method of introducing the current state of affairs, then the setup of the story, leading sequence of events into action, detailed assessment of situation,

Action.

possily a Pause, possibly comic relief, or break,

climax

slope of events

cliffhang (optional plz)

Ending

I agree with confucious, I believe a lot was left out from the perspective of the other characters.

Other than that, the story still makes some sense, and it's all cool beans.

And I like eman's story. The dilemma with the 14 year old. Van's tendency to face the challenges in difficult situations. Noice. ;D