Old Man Jenkins

Old Man Jenkins

User Info
Registration Date	January 15, 2011
Age	30
Status	Semi-active
Group	Rose Gold Loyal Customers
Notable Creations	Spin-Offs

OMJ is a Loyal Customer and former Cashier. He became popular fast, joining January 15th, 2011, making tons of post in only a week. His most notable works in SBC writing are Skodwarde, Post Fiction and Community Deathmatch. He is generally referred to as OMJ nowadays. He won the Word Count Contest at Spin-Off Festival 9 which gave him the Rose Gold username as a prize. He remains the only user to have that color to this day.

OMJ, short for Old Man Jenkins, is an angelic vigilante who sees angels falling after drinking soda. OMJ likes long walks on bitches and hates it when people mistakes his sarcastic wit for kindness. OMJ is an uncommon man living in a common world where the laws of physics are beyond his comprehension. He can make you laugh, make you cry, and make you fap uncontrollably with a click of his touch-screen keyboard. Let's not get too ahead of ourselves here. Lets start from the beginning...

One day Papa Jenkins and Mama Jenkins decided to make baby so they beamed down in their mothership dubbed "Sweet Thing" and probed a cow with their sweet crunk cup of saving grace. Like the Beastmaster before him, OMJ pushed his way through, breaking cow in half and Old Man Jenkins came into existence (emphasis on came). Like Eliza Thornberry before him, he talked to nature and they made plans to hit the clubs on Tuesday. Like Benjamin Button before him, OMJ grew hawter in age as his namesake suggests. OMJ soon came across two squirrels and named them Adam and Eve. He gave Eve an apple and things went to shit from there.

OMJ make fire and gave some to a group of tree hugging butt buddies. They smoked the doobs and OMJ found himself blazed and confused, chained to a tree with chipmunks munching on his nuts. With apparently no way out, OMJ opened up another can of Planters and spent 20 years to life under said tree, thinking about what to have for dinner, before reaching spiritual enlightenment. OMJ realized the chains werent bound to tree so he wasted all that time for something.

OMJ stopped Abraham Lincoln from killing Sir Isaac Newton, saving gravity and making complex math in the process. Isaac's son, Wayne, would go on to invent music as the most soulful soul singer who ever lived. OMJ would introduce Honest Abe to woodcutting, urging him to cut down a cherry tree, popping them cherries in the process if ya know what I mean! OMJ and Abe would part ways, with OMJ promising that the next Abe sees him, he'll be a full fledged Pokemon Master.

OMJ came into a small town terrorized by Vaginasaurus. He whipped out his sword and stuck it in there nice and tight, and was hailed as a hero. Blood orgies were organized in his honor. He would board the Tit-anic and meet some dude called Jack. They exchanged Tumblrs before the Tit-anic crashed into Atlantis and was re-released as a 4D movie. OMJ told Jack he would never let go but he did, and that's the last they saw of each other for a while, but OMJ claimed that he still sees him in his nightmares.

OMJ would soon wash up onto uncharted territory. He came upon the natives, and they hailed him as a god. OMJ would go on to rule the natives, creating Fascism and Communism during reign. The natives got scared so they told him they were gonna move in with their aunties and uncles in Bel-Air. OMJ ordered in the nukes and the natives were smited for their insolence. OMJ would come across Lois and Clark, who asked him "Where's Hollywood?" so they went off in search of it together. OMJ would win the entire Louisiana Purchase from King Louis during a game of strip poker and Louis' wife baked them a cake and marked with a B before OMJ put it on the window sill to mold over. OMJ would later free the slaves from Uncle Tom with a little help from his friends, Shaka Zulu, William Wallace, and Beethoven. He lead the slaves through the Arizona desert before parting open some broad's legs, drowning out Uncle Tom and his World War propaganda with groaning and moaning.

They came across the band, Franz Ferdinand, but their joyful reunion was cut short by a group of Libyan nationalists who wanted their plutonium back. They assassinated Franz Ferdinand and that day would be known as the Day The Music Died. OMJ left Lois and Clark in Metropolis to do their shit and moved on to bigger and better things. Once OMJ made it to Hollywood, he came across T-Pain, the mixmastering master of darkness, who unleashed an unspeakable evil into the world known as "auto tune". T-Pain opened up a portal in time and flung OMJ into the future, where auto tune has the music industry in a death lock. Now OMJ seeks to return to the past, and undo the evil that is auto tune.

And that's my story and I'm sticking to it. If you mustered up the courage to read all of that, give yourself a congratulatory spanking. That'll do, pig. That'll do.

Stories

OMJ has quite the resume when it comes to SBC writings.

• Break A Leg! (Seasons 1-2; rights transferred to CNF, later returned to OMJ for a final season)
• Skodwarde (Seasons 1-5; original creator, later sold rights to Clappy and collaborated alongside Wumbo, and then jjs owned rights as of Season 7; still returned for occasional guest writes and rejoined staff at end)
• Post Fiction (Season 1; rights transferred to Steel; rights returned to OMJ, and canned again)
• BadBob CoolPants (Only lasted for one incomplete season)
• The Killer Krab (One season miniseries; completed)
• IJLSA spin-off (Scrapped; sold rights to CNF)
• Handsome Squidward (took over rights from Clappy, ended)
• S(lums)BU (Canned)
• The Walking Sponge (Canned)
• Seasonals of Belief (Ended)
• Nautical Nonsense (Canned)
• Nautical World of Wrestling (Ended)
• Slippery Smooth (Ended)
• The Secret Box (Miniseries that ended at two episodes, rights later given to Cha, who continued it until ultimately canning it)
• Pathulu (Scrapped; Supposed to be co-written with Clappy, but was reworked into the Skodwarde mythology)
• Community Deathmatch (Ended)
• OMJ's Variety, which consisted of multiple ideas of his
• SBC Rising (Canned)
• SBC Wrestling (Canned)
• Escape from Unfinish Island (Ended)
• S.S. SBC: SpongeBob Community Out of Water (Canned)
• Hey Hayden! (Canned)
• My Life as a SpongeBob Community (Canned)
• Super Mario Bros. Z: "Negative Zone" (Canned)
• A Dead Eye for a Dead Eye (One-shot)
• OMJ's Die-In Theater (Ending)
• Cherish (Canned)
• Wumpa Defender, Crash Bandicoot! (Canned)
• Boating School Badass (Canned)
• Feral Phobia (Miniseries)
• MegaloMania (Ended)
• SpongeBrawl Wrestling (YouTube series, ending)
• Valentine's Day Returns (Miniseries)
• Toast Krusters (Miniseries)
• Squidzilla: Football-playing King in Space of the Monsters (Ongoing)
• Riffed works on Jjs' Riffing Theater 3000
• Guest wrote on SBCinema
• Guest wrote on Squid