Third SBC Renaissance/Homie's Statement

The following is an abridged copy of a statement Kylie sent out to a number of members of SBC, which led into the events of the Third SBC Renaissance. Aside from a few parts of the statement that have been omitted, mainly pieces that could be considered not safe for work, the text below is a legitimate copy of the essay.

The Statement

In the summer of 2016, I was still pretending to be somebody else. Catfishing a SpongeBob forum really isn't that much work-- post extremely obscure photos of someone who went to a neighboring high school near by you who you find attractive, send those photographs to everyone who asks what you look like, reverse image search those photos so that you know they don't come up-- a regular morning routine for Homie, who for all of 2016 and the earlier half of 2017, pretended to be a gay Japanese boy to the adoration of... some. All of this is relevant to the story, as it sets the scene to where me and MDPP first met: the SpongeBuddy Mania chatrooms. From the period between 2014-2016, Homie spent all of her time here meandering, sharing anime pictures with Cha and Aya, and making fun of people. It was a simple time. She was a simple girl.

When Homie first met MDPP, they hit it off immediately-- MDPP is, for lack of a better term, a bit of a weaboo, and Homie was masquerading her true identity behind a Japanese boy like a psychopath-- it was a match made in heaven, an adoration intensified by shared interests in Korean pop and attractive men. This form of conversing continued for several months, as Homie realized she was feeling something greater than just friendship towards her digital friend: could they have been feelings of love? It might've been, as she felt fireflies in her stomach when he typed, wonderstruck by his tone and his interests. She felt as though he was her one true confidant. She got a D+ in math because she was too busy talking to him. (She did not let this happen again.)

On December 27th, 2016, MDPP made the fateful decision to ask Homie to be his... boyfriend, as Homie was still catfishing at this point. Why Homie chose to go into a relationship all the while pretending to be a Japanese boy with anorexia and a dead father is confusing in much the same way as MDPP choosing to go into a relationship with someone whom he was actively aware was catifishing him, and yet all the same chose to enter the digital, catfishing, questionable relationship started over the common bonds of Korean pop and SpongeBob. How did this go?

For two months, Homie pretended to get drunk on livechats with MDPP and pretended to jerk off with him. This sentence summarizes the entirety of their "first" relationship.

Flash to February of 2017, where Homie was forced to swallow a massive red pill that would change her perception of MDPP forever: he was breaking up with her! Surprisingly, this was not because she was lying about her entire identity (though he would discover this within the week,) but instead for reasons that were basically already explicitly stated before they started dating. Homie cried, and then Homie realized crying over this relationship would be like crying over your Club Penguin girlfriend breaking up with you in fourth grade, and so Homie stopped crying and started living life and stuff.

During an extremely awkward period from February 2017 to May of the same year, Homie and MDPP remained friends and it would seem that MDPP began to question himself for dating a 14 year old masquerading as an adult male Japanese homosexual. However, MDPP still elected to visit Homie in her home on June 12, 2017. On this day, Homie:

-Had her first kiss

-Said 'I love you' for the first time

And for a few months, we were genuinely happy-- in all honesty, nothing notable happened between June and November of 2017 except me sending him panty shots and him sending me nudes. Standard nine-year-age-gap relationship.

Things got interesting in December 2017, in which Homie took her boyfriend MDPP to Disneyland, and all of these things happened:

-Several different regrettable PDA displays

-Overt making out on Winnie the Pooh and basically any other dark space in the park

-Drinking vodka and making out

-Getting the flu the next day and vomiting everywhere

-Etcetra

This trip proved to be a little bit more controversial, as the once-kept-under-wraps relationship we had was discovered by Hayden and was speculated upon by just about everyone else. Without any explicit statements, there was a general agreement that we were dating, which became forum consensus. SBC was relatively lax about a fifteen year old member dating a twenty three year old one who wanted to become a teacher. But I digress.

We ended up breaking up, once again in February.

This time, I was a little bit more hurt by it, but I felt more understanding of what I should do-- namely, completely cut MDPP out of my life and not look back. This worked, until MDPP leaked staff PMs to me in which he called me a bitch and informed the entire mod group chat that this was the true reason he broke up. Reveling in ruining my reputation, MDPP allowed for other members to trash me on the grounds that I allowed Hayden to create a topic about our relationship that, admittedly, I did not like, but that I also wasn't going to complain to the e-cops about so that they may delete it and berate him.