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My Fanfic-Dark aftermath Chapter 12 is up! 13+ Recommended

  • Avatar of tico1125

    tico1125

    [141]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 10/24/06
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    confucioussayhi wrote:
    Its just that its been there for awhile and like 5 people have read it. I'm on chapter 8 and like no one knows that it exists.

    Ok.?? Well there are not that many people that come to this forum regularly.?? Also a fanfic can either make you or break you.?? From what I have seen and read I am not impressed.?? Keep in mind that this is about Avatar and keeping it clean.

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  • Avatar of confucioussayhi

    confucioussayhi

    [142]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 11/23/06
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    tico1125 wrote:
    confucioussayhi wrote:
    Its just that its been there for awhile and like 5 people have read it. I'm on chapter 8 and like no one knows that it exists.

    Ok.?? Well there are not that many people that come to this forum regularly.?? Also a fanfic can either make you or break you.?? From what I have seen and read I am not impressed.?? Keep in mind that this is about Avatar and keeping it clean.

    Thats why it is called a fanfic. No disrespect, but its fiction. I know that no one is ever going to do this with Avatar. But I write it because people like it. The 5 or 6 people who read this, like it! They like the violence. Actually, its not violence, its more reality. Not every death in real life his hidden by an offscreen flash of light.(see: Jet's death in Lake Loagai) I have asked them before if the violence disturbed them, or if it took away from the premise and they said no. It's not completely senseless violence, in 8 chapters there have been 5 deaths. One you don't even hear details about. It adds edge for more mature viewers. The other people that read it, like it. If it doesn't appeal to you don't read it. I'm not mad that you don't like it but if you wan't to critizize, use specific examples. I'll take any constructive critisism you have. Thank you.
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  • Avatar of confucioussayhi

    confucioussayhi

    [143]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 11/23/06
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    Nalesnik wrote:
    It's good, but a little too gory. Also it sounds a lot like gladiator.
    One of my major inspirations was Gladiator. Its a bit different, Other inspirations were, The History channel Docudrama, Spartacus(true story), The Jet Li movie Unleashed, An excellent writer by the name of Light-Eco-Sage on fanfiction.net and The Jak and Daxter series. Sorry about the gore, but the people currently reading it like it that way.
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  • Avatar of Nalesnik

    Nalesnik

    [144]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 11/25/06
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    confucioussayhi wrote:
    Nalesnik wrote:
    It's good, but a little too gory. Also it sounds a lot like gladiator.
    One of my major inspirations was Gladiator. Its a bit different, Other inspirations were, The History channel Docudrama, Spartacus(true story), The Jet Li movie Unleashed, An excellent writer by the name of Light-Eco-Sage on fanfiction.net and The Jak and Daxter series. Sorry about the gore, but the people currently reading it like it that way.


    OMG, I love Jax n Daxter. I have all 3 games! They are so awesome. The first one kind of sucked, but the 2nd n 3rd one just roxed my soxs!!

    Back on topic, It's still good though, keep writing, Oh yea how does it tie in to J&D, I don't think I've noticed anything about it in there.
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  • Avatar of confucioussayhi

    confucioussayhi

    [145]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 11/23/06
    • level: 15
    • rank: Ginsu Knife
    • posts: 6,908
    Nalesnik wrote:
    confucioussayhi wrote:
    Nalesnik wrote:
    It's good, but a little too gory. Also it sounds a lot like gladiator.
    One of my major inspirations was Gladiator. Its a bit different, Other inspirations were, The History channel Docudrama, Spartacus(true story), The Jet Li movie Unleashed, An excellent writer by the name of Light-Eco-Sage on fanfiction.net and The Jak and Daxter series. Sorry about the gore, but the people currently reading it like it that way.


    OMG, I love Jax n Daxter. I have all 3 games! They are so awesome. The first one kind of sucked, but the 2nd n 3rd one just roxed my soxs!!

    Back on topic, It's still good though, keep writing, Oh yea how does it tie in to J&D, I don't think I've noticed anything about it in there.
    Basically Jak 2, the imprisionment, broken mind, crazy-@$$ evil side(Dark Jak). Jak 3, is the conscience part(Light Jak). Not exactly but similar premise.
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  • Avatar of confucioussayhi

    confucioussayhi

    [146]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 11/23/06
    • level: 15
    • rank: Ginsu Knife
    • posts: 6,908
    confucioussayhi wrote:
    Nalesnik wrote:
    confucioussayhi wrote:
    Nalesnik wrote:
    It's good, but a little too gory. Also it sounds a lot like gladiator.
    One of my major inspirations was Gladiator. Its a bit different, Other inspirations were, The History channel Docudrama, Spartacus(true story), The Jet Li movie Unleashed, An excellent writer by the name of Light-Eco-Sage on fanfiction.net and The Jak and Daxter series. Sorry about the gore, but the people currently reading it like it that way.


    OMG, I love Jax n Daxter. I have all 3 games! They are so awesome. The first one kind of sucked, but the 2nd n 3rd one just roxed my soxs!!

    Back on topic, It's still good though, keep writing, Oh yea how does it tie in to J&D, I don't think I've noticed anything about it in there.
    Basically Jak 2, the imprisionment, broken mind, crazy-@$$ evil side(Dark Jak). Jak 3, is the conscience part(Light Jak). Not exactly but similar premise.
    Jak also was a resistance fighter, and the name Dak is a chimera of Jak and Dax.
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  • Avatar of PhoenixAngel37

    PhoenixAngel37

    [147]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 10/14/06
    • level: 22
    • rank: Freak and Geek
    • posts: 5,465
    confucioussayhi wrote:
    confucioussayhi wrote:
    Nalesnik wrote:
    confucioussayhi wrote:
    Nalesnik wrote:
    It's good, but a little too gory. Also it sounds a lot like gladiator.
    One of my major inspirations was Gladiator. Its a bit different, Other inspirations were, The History channel Docudrama, Spartacus(true story), The Jet Li movie Unleashed, An excellent writer by the name of Light-Eco-Sage on fanfiction.net and The Jak and Daxter series. Sorry about the gore, but the people currently reading it like it that way.


    OMG, I love Jax n Daxter. I have all 3 games! They are so awesome. The first one kind of sucked, but the 2nd n 3rd one just roxed my soxs!!

    Back on topic, It's still good though, keep writing, Oh yea how does it tie in to J&D, I don't think I've noticed anything about it in there.
    Basically Jak 2, the imprisionment, broken mind, crazy-@$$ evil side(Dark Jak). Jak 3, is the conscience part(Light Jak). Not exactly but similar premise.
    Jak also was a resistance fighter, and the name Dak is a chimera of Jak and Dax.

    is chapter 9 posted yet?
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  • Avatar of confucioussayhi

    confucioussayhi

    [148]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 11/23/06
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    Almost
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  • Avatar of PhoenixAngel37

    PhoenixAngel37

    [149]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 10/14/06
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    confucioussayhi wrote:
    Almost

    ok will wait
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  • Avatar of eneterprise

    eneterprise

    [150]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 01/03/06
    • level: 12
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    tokyoberry wrote:
    confucioussayhi wrote:
    Where'd all my friends go? Friends that should be reading my fanfic!
    i read it on your profile, but i'm too lazy to comment.
    same here .their too long !!LOL
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  • Avatar of confucioussayhi

    confucioussayhi

    [151]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 11/23/06
    • level: 15
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    eneterprise wrote:
    tokyoberry wrote:
    confucioussayhi wrote:
    Where'd all my friends go? Friends that should be reading my fanfic!
    i read it on your profile, but i'm too lazy to comment.
    same here .their too long !!LOL
    Actually these are relatively short.
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  • Avatar of confucioussayhi

    confucioussayhi

    [152]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 11/23/06
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    Disclaimer-If I owned Avatar, why would I need to write this?

    Flashback-

    As soldiers approached a young??Dak felt worried. "Dad!" he said. A man came out of the house. He saw th soldiers and his eyes widened. "Jeong Jeong! Come here!" he yelled. An aging man walked out. "What is it Juu?" he asked, alarmed. "Get the boys to safety," he whispered now "soldiers are coming, quickly!" he urged. "What about y-" "I'll be fine, go!" Juu replied.??"May the spirits guide you brother." he whispered also.??A very young boy came out of the house. "What's going on, Uncle Jeong Jeong?" he said groggily, he had obviusly been sleeping. Jeong Jeong picked him up. "We're going on a trip!" he said feigning excitement. "What about the soldiers?" Dak asked. "Oh, that's just a routine search, nothing to worry about." he said as he climed into the front of the ostrichhorse-drawn cart. "Come now!" he said urgently.

    As they were driving away, Dak turned and saw a man shove his father into the house. "Dad!" he screamed as he jumped off the cart. "Dak, no!" Jeong Jeong yelled as he ran after him. As Dak looked inside his house, time seemed to slow down. He saw everything. The house was on fire and his parents were looking at the soldier with defiance as he coldly killed them. "NOO!" Dak yelled. As the guard rounded on him he felt a tug at his waist and saw Jeong Jeong rush into the room just as everything went black.

    See what happened to them, boy? They didn't fight and they payed the price! "Shut up!" Dak replied forcefully. Your little girlfriend will end up the same way. The voice began to cackle wickedly.

    "No!" Dak yelled as he woke up. "Just a dream, just a dream." he assured himself. He looked around. "How'd I get in an alley gutter?" he thought. "Oh, yeah, thats right." After they had escaped from the arena, Dak had immediately looked for a place to hide. Eventually, they found an alley and squeezed in between the walls of the side gutters. They had been there for several days,Toph had enough sense to steal food from the cafeteria.??He looked at Toph. She looked so peaceful, he thought. He had watched her sleep in prison and she had always looked sad. Now she was smiling, happy to be free. He decided it was time to wake up.

    "Hey, Toph." he nudged her. "Hmpf." she muttered. "Toph, time to wake up!" he said louder. "What?" she asked sleepily. At that moment Dak thought of his dream. "Nothing, just that we have to get moving." he said. "Wait, we need to fit in, I almost forgot.". "Okay, how?" she asked. "Take your clothes off." he said simply. "What!?" she asked incredlously. "Huh? Oh. Your prison clothes." he restated with a smile. "Keep you underclothes, thats what the beggars and peasants wear.". "Oh." she felt embarrassed as she got rid of her overshirt.

    They walked out of the alley and moved down the street. But they weren't alone a figure passed behind the shadows as they walked along. "So, whats the plan?" Toph asked. "Well first we need to find a nice family, then we need to steal their gate passes, and we should be home free." He said as if stealing from a nice family was nothing. "Okay but- Someone's coming!" she said. Dak knew that someone was a soldier or soldiers. Sure enough..."Hey! You there! Turn around!" a soldier said. "Over here! I found the fugitives! Ha, you're not going anywhere." he smiled crookedly. "Toph, go, I'll get them." Dak said. "But-" "Don't argue, you're hurt, you're no good in a fight. Now!" His dream flashed before his eyes. Yesss. I told you it would happen. Before they??kill her,??let me loose! He felt it begin to take over. Good. Now, kill them! "Ahh!" Dak yelled as he charged.

    Toph wasn't 30 feet away before she slammed into a man. An old man, in fact. Somewhat fat and full of mirth. A familiar person to Toph. "So, young lady, what problems do you want to talk about over a good cup of tea this time? I'll let you pour your own cup, I promise." he said, a smile on his wise face.

    Take a wild guess. No, not santa, it's- Insert Dime For Next Chapter.

    /...

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  • Avatar of go_ugly_people

    go_ugly_people

    [153]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 01/11/06
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    awsome
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  • Avatar of kingdom707

    kingdom707

    [154]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 07/21/06
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    These just keep getting better and better. Now iroh is in it.YYYYEEEEESSSSS
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  • Avatar of kingdom707

    kingdom707

    [155]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 07/21/06
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    BUMP DA BUMP
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  • Avatar of confucioussayhi

    confucioussayhi

    [156]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 11/23/06
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    Kingdom you don't have to bump if you don't want to. Thanks for putting that post in your blog.
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  • Avatar of kingdom707

    kingdom707

    [157]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 07/21/06
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    i like to bump. i am a bump aholic and your welcome
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  • Avatar of kingdom707

    kingdom707

    [158]Dec 20, 2006
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    Don't bump da boat, don't bump da boat baby

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  • Avatar of kingdom707

    kingdom707

    [159]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 07/21/06
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    bump da bump
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  • Avatar of Vampdude69

    Vampdude69

    [160]Dec 20, 2006
    • member since: 09/25/06
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    Come to the Avatar Fanfic Festival

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